And she's back.....

After a couple of months of not posting, you'd think I'd have a really good reason to post. But you'd be wrong. I just felt like it.

Although I have ambivalent feelings about the movie, lately I keep thinking about this quote from Crash:

In LA, nobody touches you. We're always behind this metal and glass. I think we miss that touch so much, that we crash into each other, just so we can feel something.

I think it carries over into the emotional realm too.

Like I was paraphrasing (from somewhere) to a friend the other day-- to be known intimately is both our deepest desire and greatest fear.

Halloween

Guess how many trick-or-treaters I got? 0. Not a single one. I guess living upstairs really is a deterrent. I'm kind of scared to go to work tomorrow though. Middle school students + bucket loads of candy + sleep deprivation + excitement + drama ('cause there's always drama) = way too much drama for me! It could be worse though. I could be the school nurse!

Speaking of drama, I really think the kids' issues are somewhat contagious to the staff. There seems to be a lot more gossip, rumors and drama than at other schools I have worked. It's kind of annoying (especially when the rumors are about me!).

I just went outside, and it smells like fall. Yum! Now if only we could get below 85 degrees during the day!

Gee...you shouldn't have (no really...you shouldn't have)

So today I'm talking with the assistant-assistant principal, and she says, "I have a friend I'd like you to marry." Um...okay. Just, no pressure, right? She apparently already had this conversation with him, and he agreed to marry...well, to go out anyway.

I hate being fixed up with anyone. I'm sure he's a great guy, but yeah...no.

Just tell me to shut up

You know, the thing about trying to do the right thing is that sometimes, no matter what you do, you just feel like crap. Sometimes I would just like my life to be even a little bit easier. For like, two seconds. Is that too much to ask?

I'm in a whine-y mood. Sorry. But not really because I don't think many people read this blog. Of course, for all I know, millions of people could be reading it and mocking me...and you know what? I don't care.

Media report

First and foremost, Henry gave me Prison Break Season 1 DVDs as an early b-day present!! {does a little happy dance} Michael and Sara will live on in my living room forever. {sigh}

Okay, other stuff....

*Broadcast TV-- You know, I haven't been that into broadcast tv this fall. I watched 2 episodes of House but missed last week. I missed the first two episodes of Supernatural but watched last week. I taped the three episodes of Season 3 of Prison Break and-- I can't believe I'm saying this-- I think they should have ended with Season 2. I watched one episode of Private Practice-- it was okay. Predictable. I did, however, catch a few minutes of Pushing Daisies and was pleasantly surprised by the dry humor and understated narration. I may try it again.

*DVD: Freedom Writers-- This movie is based on the true story of a teacher and her students in So. Cal. It's good, inspiring...but falls short of great. I haven't read the book yet, but it would be interesting to compare the two.

*DVD: The Zodiac-- Although this is billed as a thriller, it's really not an edge-of-your-seat type of movie. It's more like a logical puzzle. (However, the murders are semi-graphic.) Parts were very interesting, but I think it should have been shorter. The resolution is not particularly satisfying, but again, this is based on a true story. Both Freedom Writers and Zodiac depict true stories of individuals who were consumed by their work...and lost their families as a result. Sometimes I wonder whether it was worth it.

*DVD: Prison Break Season 2-- Completely awesome! Go watch this.

There are a couple of books I want to write about, but I'm too tired to do that now.

Stuff for Lifegroup, Part II

Quotes regarding sexuality from C.S. Lewis:

*But I have other reasons for thinking so [that our impulses are the problem rather than Christianity's view of sexuality]. The biological purpose of sex is children, just as the biological purpose of eating is to repair the body. Now if we eat whenever we feel inclined and just as much as we want, it is quite true most of us will eat too much: but not terrifically too much. One man may eat enough for two, but he does not eat enough for ten. The appetite goes a little beyond its biological purpose, but not enormously. But if a healthy young man indulged his sexual appetite whenever he felt inclined, and if each act produced a baby, then in ten years he might easily populate a small village. This appetite is in ludicrous and preposterous excess of its function. Or take it another way. You can get a large audience together for a strip-tease act - that is, to watch a girl undress on the stage. Now suppose you come to a country where you could fill a theatre by simply bringing a covered plate on to the stage and then slowly lifting the cover so as to let every one see, just before the lights went out, that it contained a mutton chop or a bit of bacon, would you not think that in that country something had gone wrong with the appetite for food? And would not anyone who had grown up in a different world think there was something equally queer about the state of the sex instinct among us?

*Poster after poster, film after film, novel after novel, associate the idea of sexual indulgence with the ideas of health, normality, youth, frankness, and good humour. Now this association is a lie. Like all powerful lies, it is based on a truth - the truth, acknowledged above, that sex in itself (apart from the excesses and obsessions that have grown round it) is 'normal' and 'healthy', and all the rest of it. The lie consists in the suggestion that any sexual act to which you are tempted at the moment is also healthy and normal. Now this, on any conceivable view, and quite apart from Christianity, must be nonsense. Surrender to all our desires obviously leads to impotence, disease, jealousies, lies, concealment, and everything that is the reverse of health, good humour, and frankness. For any happiness, even in this world, quite a lot of restraint is going to be necessary; so the claim made by every desire, when it is strong, to be healthy and reasonable, counts for nothing. Every sane and civilised man must have some set of principles by which he chooses to reject some of his desires and to permit others.

*If anyone thinks that Christians regard unchastity as the supreme vice, he is quite wrong. The sins of the flesh are bad, but they are the least bad of all sins. All the worst pleasures are purely spiritual: the pleasure of putting other people in the wrong, of bossing and patronising and spoiling sport, and back-biting, the pleasures of power, of hatred. For there are two things inside me, competing with the human self which I must try to become. They are the Animal self, and the Diabolical self. The Diabolical self is the worse of the two. That is why a cold, self-righteous prig who goes regularly to church may be far nearer to hell than a prostitute. But, of course, it is better to be neither.

Stuff for Lifegroup--- quotes on sex, etc.

I'm mostly posting this stuff for the people who were at Lifegroup this week (as it relates to our discussion...that veered away from our book and ended up being a very lively discussion of sex), but everyone else is welcome to read also. Most of this is by....{say it with me}...Frederick Buechner.

*Most of the old restraints are gone or going. Such purely practical restraints as fear of pregnancy and venereal disease have been all but eliminated by the ingenuity of modern science. Pornography is available to anybody who has the money to buy it at the newsstand. As much as you can generalize about such matters, in the realm of sexual behavior the word seems to be increasingly, "Anything goes," or among the more responsible, "Anything goes as long as nobody gets hurt," the trouble with which is how can anybody know in advance, in any complex human relationship, sexual or otherwise, who is going to get hurt psychologically, emotionally, spiritually? Or the word is, "Anything goes as long as you love each other," the trouble with which is that love here is like to mean a highly romanticized, sentimental sort of enterprise that comes and goes like the pink haze it is.

What makes this situation tragic, I believe, is not so much that by one set of standards or another it is morally wrong, but that in terms of the way human life is, it just does not work very well. Our society is filled with people for whom the sexual relationship is one where body meets body but where person fails to meet person; where the immediate need for sexual gratification is satisfied but where the deeper need for companionship and understanding is left untouched. The result is that the relationship leads not to fulfillment but to a half-conscious sense of incompleteness, of inner loneliness, which is so much the sickness of our time. The desire to know another's nakedness is really the desire to know the other fully as a person. It is the desire to know and to be known, not just sexually but as a total human being. It is the desire for a relationship where each gives not just of his body but of his self, body and spirit both, for the other's gladness. -Frederick Buechner, Listening to Your Life

*Contrary to Mrs. Grundy, sex is not sin. Contrary to Hugh Hefner, it's not salvation either. Like nitroglycerin, it can be used to blow up bridges or heal hearts.

At its roots, the hunger for food is the hunger for survival. At its roots the hunger to know a person sexually is the hunger to know and be known by that person humanly. Food without nourishment doesn't fill the bill for long, and neither does sex without humanness....

In practice Jesus was notoriously soft on sexual misbehavior. Some of his best friends were hustlers. He saved the woman taken in adultery from stoning. He didn't tell the woman at the well that she ought to marry the man she was living with. Possibly he found their fresh-faced sensualities closer to loving God and humanity than the thin-lipped pieties of the Pharisees. Certainly he shared the Old Testament view that the body in all its manifestations was basically good because a good God made it.

But he also had some hard words to say about lust, and told the adulterous woman to go and sin no more. When the force of a person's sexuality is centrifugal, pushing further and further away as psyches the very ones being embraced as somas, this sexuality is of the Devil. When it is centripetal, it is of God. -Frederick Buechner, Beyond Words

*To say that morally, spiritually, humanly, homosexuality is always bad seems as absurd as to say that in the same terms heterosexuality is always good, or the other way around. It is not the object of our sexuality that determines its value but the inner nature of our sexuality. If (a) it is as raw as the coupling of animals, at its worst it demeans us and at its best still leaves our deepest hunger for each other unsatisfied. If (b) it involves some measure of kindness, understanding, affection as well as desire, it can become an expression of human love in its fullness and can thus help to complete us as humans. Whatever our sexual preference happens to be, both of these possibilities are always there. It's not whom you go to bed with or what you do when you get there that matters so much. It's what besides sex you are asking to receive, and what besides sex you are offering to give. Frederick Buechner, Whistling in the Dark: An ABC Theologized

*{This is specifically about abortion, but it kind of dovetails on some of the things we were discussing in group and afterwards.} ...There is perhaps no better illustration of the truth that in an imperfect world there are no perfect solutions. All we can do, as Luther said, is sin bravely, which is to say, (a) know that neither to have the child nor not to have the child is without the possibility of tragic consequences for everybody, yet (b) be brave in knowing also that not even that can put us beyond the forgiving love of God. -Frederick Buechner, Beyond Words


I found the passage I mentioned about how spiritual bodies are different from earthly bodies (and why, contrary to some individuals' deep hope, there may not be sex in heaven, or at least not in the same way...but like I said, if you prefer to cling to that belief, go for it):

*I Cor. 15:35-38 Some skeptic is sure to ask, "Show me how resurrection works. Give me a diagram; draw me a picture. What does this 'resurrection body' look like?" If you look at this question closely, you realize how absurd it is. There are no diagrams for this kind of thing. We do have a parallel experience in gardening. You plant a "dead" seed; soon there is a flourishing plant. There is no visual likeness between seed and plant. You could never guess what a tomato would look like by looking at a tomato seed. What we plant in the soil and what grows out of it don't look anything alike. The dead body that we bury in the ground and the resurrection body that comes from it will be dramatically different.

39-41You will notice that the variety of bodies is stunning. Just as there are different kinds of seeds, there are different kinds of bodies—humans, animals, birds, fish—each unprecedented in its form. You get a hint at the diversity of resurrection glory by looking at the diversity of bodies not only on earth but in the skies—sun, moon, stars—all these varieties of beauty and brightness. And we're only looking at pre-resurrection "seeds"—who can imagine what the resurrection "plants" will be like!

42-44This image of planting a dead seed and raising a live plant is a mere sketch at best, but perhaps it will help in approaching the mystery of the resurrection body—but only if you keep in mind that when we're raised, we're raised for good, alive forever! The corpse that's planted is no beauty, but when it's raised, it's glorious. Put in the ground weak, it comes up powerful. The seed sown is natural; the seed grown is supernatural—same seed, same body, but what a difference from when it goes down in physical mortality to when it is raised up in spiritual immortality! (The Message)

If I put this here, maybe I'll remember

Frederick Buechner:

"Mind your own business" means butt out of other people's lives because in the long run they must live their lives for themselves, but it also means pay mind to your own life, your own health and wholeness, both for you own sake, but ultimately for the sake of those you love too. Take care of yourself so you can take care of them. A bleeding heart is no help to anybody if it bleeds to death.

Conspiracies

Yesterday morning, a woman was killed on my street while she was walking her dog. The dog was killed too. (The driver of the car swerved 18 feet off the road and hit her.) Then last night, a woman was killed while crossing the street near the school where I work. (I didn't leave work until 9 PM so I was still at work.)

I've been watching Season 2 of both Supernatural and Prison Break. Car "accidents" occur quite frequently when trying to make someone disappear. :: looks around suspiciously :: Maybe I should just stay inside.

Random fact: I wore a pedometer the other day when I was at work. I walked 4.6 miles just during the day! See...no need for walking on dangerous streets! :)

Anyway, I finally got the real Disc 3 of Prison Break, and this show is too awesome for words! Aww...we love Michael...and Sucre...not so much T-Bag and C-Note. Sarah Wayne Callie is an extremely good (and under-recognized) actress. Pet peeve: I normally like listening to commentaries after watching the episodes. After listening to a couple on the Season 2 DVDs, I stopped because they would say things like, "Oh, yeah. He was a great actor. Too bad we killed his character three episodes later." Hey! Thanks for ruining the surprise. >:/

Supernatural Season 2 is a fun ride. There's a lot of crying. Jensen (Dean) is a much prettier crier than Jared (Sam). Jared kind of scrunches his face up and looks a bit pig-ish...or constipated. Pet peeve: Jared broke his arm early into the season so he-- and by default, "Sam"-- is wearing a cast for several episodes. This is never explained, and Sam continually does things that he obviously could not do with a broken arm. I think they should have had a quick Dean statement like, "Yeah, Sammy, too bad you got your arm broken fighting that ghoul." Come on? Did they really think we wouldn't notice? And how did he get the cast? They are wanted men. Oh, well.

How did this happen?

It's 1 AM, and I have no idea why I'm still up. I'm so tired, and it's been a really long, exhausting, stressful week at work. I think I need to go to bed.

Also, I have a very strong desire to go to this new cereal cafe...and I'm not sure why. Hmmm....

Media Report

Well, I came home today to quite a disappointment. I got my Netflix Prison Break disc 3 out of the mailbox and popped it into the DVD player....only to discover that it was not disc 3 but disc 5. I can't watch 5 before 3. So...I called Netflix, and it turns out there was a glitch in making the DVDs. Even ones being sold at Barnes and Noble are also missing disc 3 (labeled as disc 3 but really disc 5...and disc 5 is also disc 5). So...I don't know when I'll get disc 3, and my Prison Break marathon has hit a snag (and the new season starts on Monday)! This is not good. I'm getting a free two month upgrade (to 4 discs at a time) from Netflix though.

Anyhow.....

*Movie: Knocked Up-- I didn't expect to like this, but I did. It's funny, quirky and surprisingly sweet. However, it very much earned its R-rating so be forewarned of excessive language, sex, nudity, drug use and just about everything else that might offend anyone. No violence though.

*CD: Lifehouse- Who We Are-- I bought this for myself a while ago and hid it, figuring I could discover it when I didn't have any money and needed a present. I recently found it, and I love it! I was not impressed by Lifehouse's previous release (a belated self-titled album), but this one is excellent. As with all of the good Lifehouse songs, these are catchy and thoughtful.

-First Time-- I've heard this single playing on the radio a lot, and it's also featured on a truck commercial. It's fun and upbeat, though it's certainly not one of my Lifehouse faves. It probably works better if you're in love at the time of listening.

-Disarray--This is the first song on the CD, and I like it a lot:

I’m struggling between the facts and fiction
I’m alone
But I'm alive
Everyone around me is trying to make a statement, then there's me
I’m just trying to survive

-The Joke-- This song is about suicide, and I find it very disturbing. I know it was written in response to a real tragedy in the band members' lives, but I'm torn between horrified and offended. I may need to write to Jason.

-Who We Are--The title track is another catchy one that will resonate with almost everyone.

Cause we break
And we burn
And we turn it inside out
To take it back
To the start
And through the rise and falling apart
We discover who we are

-Whatever It Takes-- Every half of a couple (husband, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend, partner) should learn and memorize this song, take it to heart and be prepared to live it.

A strangled smile fell from your face
It kills me that I hurt you this way
The worst part is that I didn't even know
There's a million reasons for you to go
But if you can find a reason to stay

I'll do whatever it takes
To turn this around
I know what's at stake
I know that I've let you down
And if you give me a chance
Believe that I can change
I'll keep us together
Whatever it takes

-Broken--This is probably my favorite song on the CD, although I feel like something should be different (tempo or key). I'm wondering if they did this song at the 4th of July concert and played an alternate version. It's still great, though.

The broken clock is a comfort
It helps me sleep tonight
Maybe it can stop tomorrow
From stealing all my time
And I am here still waiting
Though I still have my doubts
I am damaged at best
Like you've already figured out

I'm falling apart
I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart
That's still beating
In the pain
There is healing
In your name
I find meaning
So I'm holding on (I'm holdin on)(I'm holdin on)
I'm barely holding on to you

There are other songs, including a stripped down, acoustic version of "The Storm" (which is beautiful but only when I'm in the mood for something s-l-o-w), but these are the ones I care to comment on at this time. ;)

Work is extremely busy, and I'm working way more hours that I'm getting paid to work. I'm hoping things will settle down in a month or so. Programs are shaping up nicely though so I can't complain.

It was worth coming to my blog just for this Wentworth pic

Look at those eyes. He'll be sad if you don't watch Prison Break. (Well, probably not because he's making a lot of money, but just think of what you'll be missing!)

Too bad balance is not one of my strengths

I read this selection from The Weight of Glory (C.S. Lewis) the other day and have been thinking about it a lot:

The war will fail to absorb our whole attention because it is a finite object, and therefore intrinsically unfitted to support the whole attention of a human soul. In order to avoid misunderstanding I must here make a few distinctions. I believe our cause to be, as human causes go, very righteous, and I therefore believe it to be a duty to participate in this war. And every duty is a religious duty, and our obligation to perform every duty is therefore absolute. Thus we may have a duty to rescue a drowning man, and perhaps, if we live on a dangerous coast, to learn life-saving so as to be ready for any drowning man when he turns up. It may be our duty to lose our own lives in saving him. But if anyone devoted himself to life-saving in the sense of giving it his total attention --so that he thought and spoke of nothing else and demanded the cessation of all other human activities until everyone had learned to swim -- he would be a monomaniac. The rescue of drowning men is, then a duty worth dying for, but not worth living for. It seems to me that all political duties (among which I include military duties) are of this kind. A man may have to die for our country: but no man must, in any exclusive sense, live for his country. He who surrenders himself without reservation to the temporal claims of a nation, or a party, or a class is rendering to Caesar that which, of all things, most emphatically belongs to God: himself.

Just more incentive to watch Prison Break :)

Yeah, those lockers will get you every time......

When I was a social worker at an elementary school, one of the biggest middle school concerns of the fifth graders was the lockers. So...we bought a bunch of combination locks for the kids to practice, had locker relay races, etc. Well, yesterday, one of the little sixth grade girls opened her locker, and there was a snake curled up in the back. I happened to be walking down the hall at the time so of course I rushed in and removed the snake. No. I did not. Are you kidding me?!? I wasn't touching that snake! I did, however, make the kids stand a few feet away from the locker (as some wanted a closer look and one boy offered his snake removal services) while we waited for a braver staff member to arrive. How did the snake get in there? We have no idea. I guess it squeezed through the gaps, but that must have taken a lot of determination. We do have frequent snake sightings on campus, but I don't know if one has ever ended up in a locker before Friday. If that had happened to me in sixth grade, I think I would still be terrified of lockers! ::shivers::

Beyond the walls

Season 2 of Prison Break is out on DVDs! The first four episodes ROCK! Lots of angst and adrenaline and surprises and gunfire, blood, sweat and tears. Oh, Wentworth. And, oh, Sarah. And...oh look, more origami! This show is awesome. ::dances the Prison Break happy dance which is not at all like the Alias happy dance...but still happy::

(Hey, don't mock me and my jail house love, or I'll go back to telling you about The Bridge.)

Autism, Scrabble and Fall TV

I got some alphabet cookies from Trader Joe's, and eating them has reminded me of one of the kids in my preschool autism class a few years ago. He would only eat the cookies if we spelled something first, and then he would eat the letters in order. Since he was underweight and a picky eater, we obliged as it made snack time educational. This wasn't too bad at the beginning of a carton, but by the time we got towards the bottom, it was like playing an extra hard game of Scrabble. What can I spell with 2 Qs, a V and a J? (And yes, he was in preschool, and he could spell. He could also read simple words, even though he could not speak. The mysteries of autism.... On a totally random note, I read an article last night that said that some autism symptoms may be linked to low levels of oxytocin, the bonding hormone. Very interesting.)

Work is super busy for me right now, but I'm still glad to be back at work. I like being at one school, and middle school is fun. I spend so much time thinking about work, though, so I'm not going to write about it now.

On to really important things-- THE FALL TV SCHEDULE: So far, I'm not too impressed with the new shows' descriptions, but maybe something will surprise me. Also, the speed of cancellation in recent years makes me a bit gun shy. Why should I even try a new show if it's just going to be canceled once I get interested? I almost want to give it a couple of months and then watch (if it's still around). Anyway, here are some of the new and old shows that I'm planning to watch:

Monday
7:00-8:00*--Prison Break (Fox)-- I've only watched Season 1 so far, and Season 2 premieres on DVD this week. However, Season 3 premieres on TV on Sept. 17. With Netflix turnaround times, I don't think I can watch all of S2 before then....so my plan is to tape S3 as it's broadcast until I catch up. (I can barely stand the excitement when I see the previews....though I try to change the channel because I don't want to hear any spoilers for S2....but Wentworth is really hot.) Apparently, PB will go on hiatus in the winter--while some other show debuts-- and then it will return in the spring. That's kind of odd and annoying. Maybe I should just stick with the DVDs.

8:00-9:00--24 (Fox)-- As usual, Jack won't be back until January 2008...and then we'll see the season straight through. (What are we up to-- Season 6? 7?) I kind of like that. It's predictable, and the continuity is helpful for following the plot and building excitement.

Tuesday
8:00-9:00--House (Fox)--I guess I'll be watching a lot of Fox this year! I love Dr. House. I understand that he's an acquired taste, but I love that his character is so different than any other doctor I've seen on TV. Hugh Laurie truly is a fantastic actor. I'm not at all involved in the House fandom, and I don't follow this like I do my other shows. Still, I greatly enjoy watching, and I'm interested to see what they'll do this year since House drove away all of his staff.

Wednesday
8:00-9:00--Private Practice (ABC)-- Meh. I'm going to watch. I don't have high hopes, though I do like the actress who plays Addison, as well as that guy. Yeah, that guy. I don't know his name or his character's name. It's set in California, though, so that makes me happy. (For those who don't know, this is the Grey's Anatomy spinoff.)

Thursday
Okay, most of the days have almost nothing, and then they pile it all on Thursday...the night I'm never home. I don't even have TiVo so I'm going to have to make choices on what to tape.
8:00-9:00--Grey's Anatomy (ABC)-- I go back and forth with this show. Sometimes I like it, and sometimes I really don't. I probably won't tape it, but I may watch the re-runs or get it from Netflix next summer.

8:00-9:00--Supernatural (CW)-- Now the CW is weird AZ time-wise. I can't remember exactly how it works, but it shifts with the fall time change...but doesn't accommodate for AZ's lack of change....or something like that. So...I think that maybe Supernatural will be on at 7:00 for a while and then shift to 8:00 at Daylight Savings....or vice versa. (Really, why can't the rest of the country see the wisdom of AZ and Hawaii in keeping the time the same year round? It's so much simpler!) Anyhow, I'll tape this one. Although, like PB, I've only watched the DVDs of S1, unlike PB, I don't care about spoilers. I already know what happens at the end of S2, and I've caught an occasional random repeat of S2 episodes over the summer. So...I'll start watching S3 right away. DVDs for S2 come out in a week or two, and I'll watch them after I finish PB.

9:00-10:00--Without A Trace (CBS)-- This is more of a filler show for me, i.e., show that I like but don't invest in, shows that I watch in syndication as much as first broadcast. I feel the same about Law and Order (though I actually don't like the new ones), Law and Order SVU (though I think they ran out of storylines) and CSI (not Miami or New York). I couldn't even tell you the names of the characters on the show, though I think one of the main guys is Jack. (What's the obsession with leading guys named Jack? Alias, 24, Lost.... Dean and Logan are also pretty popular lately.)

9:00-10:00--Big Shots (ABC)-- I want to like this show, but I kind of doubt that I will. It's already getting bad reviews. Bummer. I'll tape it a few times just as a tribute to Michael Vaughn, Alias and Dylan McDermott.

Friday
8:00-9:00-- Women's Murder Club (ABC)-- This is about four female friends who breach professional ethics for the greater good. Or something like that. Four women in professional roles (journalist, detective, medical examiner, DA-- don't quote me on that) collaborate and solve crimes. If I can suspend disbelief and get into the story, I think this might be interesting. It has a good cast. Too bad the time slot is the kiss of death. Maybe they can solve the mystery of who put them there.

9:00-10:00-- Moonlight (CBS)-- This one's about a vampire who solves crimes and saves people. No, really. It has the potential to be horrifically bad (in which case, possibly funny) or creative and intriguing. I'm going to give it a try. (BTW, I think this is the one that's being produced or direct by The Matrix guy.)

Sunday
9:00-10:00-- Brothers and Sisters (ABC)-- This is a show that should be ten times better than it is. They have the dream cast for this type of drama. (Well, I'd get rid of what's-her-name, the Ally McBeal girl, because she annoys the heck out of me.) I know that these actors could do amazing things with more interesting material....so I'm waiting. Maybe the writers will hit their stride this season. Last year, I watched sporadically and usually half-heartedly as I was getting ready for Monday morning. I'll probably do the same until they decide to impress me.

*In Arizona, prime time starts at 7:00. News is at 10:00. So...for many of you, these times will be an hour off, with the shows starting an hour later in your area.

Google Scholar

You know my annoying habit endearing quirk of providing research statistics and citations for facts? Well, it's probably going to get worse. I'm having so much fun with my new friend, Google Scholar. It's kind of the antithesis to Wikipedia. It's addictive. Go try it for yourself. Come on-- you know you want to research something.

Media Report

*DVD: Punch Drunk Love-- I didn't like it.

*DVD: The Bridge (documentary)-- I may write a longer post about this later, but for now, I'll say that I'd recommend it with reservations. This is a documentary about people committing suicide by jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge. (More people commit suicide at the GG than any other place in the world. A person jumps about once every 15 days.) Anyway, for this documentary, they set up cameras on the beaches nearby and filmed for a year, using zoom lenses...so many actual jumps are caught on tape. While I was watching, I became rather upset-- well, for more than the obvious reasons-- because I thought that they should do something besides just film the suicides. But...after watching the "making of" featurette, it turns out that they did. Anytime they saw "suspicious" activity, they called Bridge Patrol, and by doing so, were able to save quite a few people. Those suicides caught on tape either happened too quickly for Bridge Patrol to respond, or the camera people did not regard the behavior as "suspicious" prior to the jump. So...anyway, it's interesting and compelling, and the interviews with friends and family round out the stories (though the structure of the clips is a bit confusing)... but it is very disturbing and probably should be. One bright spot is Kevin Hines, who is about 27 now, and is one of only a couple dozen to survive a suicide attempt from the bridge. He has bipolar disorder, and when he was 19, he jumped. He says that the second he was in the air, he regretted it and wanted to live. He was able to turn himself so that he landed feet first (though most people who land this way still die), swim up to the surface and stay afloat. (Actually, he says that when he got to the surface, he felt something brush his leg and thought it was just his luck to survive a jump from the bridge and be eaten by a shark... but it was a seal or sea lion that circled him until he was picked up by the Coast Guard.) Even after all that, it was still 50/50 that he would survive the night since parts of his spine had shattered and pierced organs. But...eventually, he recovered physically and is now a suicide prevention advocate and lobbies for a suicide barrier on the bridge. Kevin says that part of the reason he tells his story is because people think it will be an easy, painless death... but he can testify that it is terrifying and painful... and that he is glad he got another chance.

*DVD: Prime Suspect, Season 1-- A friend loaned me this British crime drama, and it's really good. I feel that "season" is a bit overstating because there are only 4 episodes...but it is complete. It's more like a miniseries. It's about a female detective and chauvinism, and balancing work and family and a serial killer. I'm definitely going to watch "season" 2.

*Books-- I am "reading" so many books right now. I'll write about them when I'm done. Here's what I have:
-Fowl Weather (memoir sequel to Enslaved by Ducks about Bob Tarte's neuroses and pets)
-How Good Do We Have to Be (loaned to me)
-Grace Eventually (and I'll finish it eventually)
-Journey of Desire (what we're reading for Lifegroup)
-HP and the Deathly Hallows (round 2)
-Stranger at the Gate

*TV-- There is almost nothing worth watching on tv, and I haven't heard of anything too compelling for the fall. Michael Vartan (Vaughn!) and Dylan McDermott are going to be on a show together on ABC, and I'll probably give it a try just for them. It's being called the guy version of Desperate Housewives, though, and I hate that show. There's another one about 4 female friends who solve murders, and that looks pretty good. However, it's going to be on Fridays so it will be canceled within a month or so. I'll try the Grey's Anatomy spinoff, Private Practice, but I don't have high hopes. If you've heard of something promising, tell me! (No reality shows!)

Sad news

One of my cousins died in his sleep a couple of nights ago. James Putney was a chaplain at UCLA Medical Center in the oncology department. He also had a form of dwarfism (which may have led to his death-- still unclear) and was about 4 feet tall. He was a very cool person, and I always enjoyed talking with him. He married a few years ago, and I'm sure his wife is devastated by his sudden death.

If you want to read an article about James, click here.

Darfur

Late last night, I was feeling yucky, and I wanted something to take my mind off the pain while I waited for the medicine to kick in. So I dropped onto the couch and flicked on the tv, not really caring what I was watching. It turned out to be a PBS documentary about cows. Yes, cows. Dairy cows in England, holy cows and India, beef cows in Colorado, etc. That wasn't too interesting, but it worked as a distraction. Anyway, then they came to the Mosai (sp?) people in Africa. Somehow, they learned about the 9/11 attacks and felt great sympathy and sorrow for the people in NYC. One clan decided that they would send cattle, which in their culture, is the greatest gift of friendship and support (not to mention, their livelihood). Now, in the wake of the 9/11 attacks, the greatest need of the people of NYC was not cattle...but they desperately needed comfort and support. To know that an ancient, nomadic people on another continent not only knew about their pain but wanted to help? I bet that brought tremendous comfort.

Now, I realize that the Mosai have nothing to do with Darfur...but their generosity got me thinking. See, I've been very frustrated because I want to do something to help the people in Darfur, but I really don't know what to do. Fundraisers and benefit concerts are great and everything, but they don't go anywhere towards solving the problem. We could (and as a country, do) throw billions of dollars at the refugee camps forever...and not get any closer to a solution. Granted, the refugee camps need money to keep people fed and provide medical treatment, and I believe we are right to give. We cannot just let all of those people starve to death or die from easily treated infections. However, just keeping those people alive isn't enough. They lost their homes, their families, and more villages continue to be decimated every day. Hundreds of thousands of people sitting in refugee camps...that's not a country so much as a prison.

Anyway, the Mosai's gift of cattle after 9/11 really touched me. They didn't necessarily know what to do to help, but they did something. They are a primitive, nomadic tribe and have likely never met anyone from NYC, probably never been on an airplane or in a building with more than one story...but they heard of a tragedy, felt compassion and acted. I realize that I need to stop being passive and find out what I can do to stop the genocide in Darfur.

So...I'm doing a bit of research. Here's a good place to start: Examining the Tragedy in Darfur at Relevant magazine. (I really like this magazine. When I get a paycheck, I'm going to subscribe again.) That article gives resources for learning and taking action. I'm still working on both.

One of the websites mentioned is Enough, which provides monthly updates on the situation and "talking points" for letters to political officials.

So...in a few weeks, ask me what I'm doing to help Darfur. Really. I want the accountability. If you have ideas, want to do something with me, or already have a project to help Darfur, let me know!

The Nine

Last night, I had a dream that I was kidnapped and forced to participate in a bank robbery. (Actually, the dream was much more complicated than that and surprisingly coherent. It would make a good movie.) Yeah, okay....so that reminded me about the show, The Nine.

The Nine premiered last fall after Lost and was/is about a group of --wait for it-- nine hostages of a bank robbery, their connections in the aftermath, etc. I liked it a lot...and then after a few weeks, it vanished. A couple of weeks ago, I was flipping channels and there was a new episode! I was excited. Last week, I watched again, and the show just kept getting better. So...I went online to investigate and discovered that The Nine was indeed canceled last Oct., and the episodes being aired this summer are just the remaining pre-filmed stock. Bummer. So we're never going to find out about the conspiracy or why the bank manager's daughter is just a bit "off" or if this was an inside job...or if Katherine is going to ditch her stuffy fiance for Nick (who is much hotter and carries a gun). No fair. I'm going to go pout now.

The slow death of free speech?

"I detest what you write, but I would give my life to make it possible for you to continue to write." -Voltaire

It seems like we've traded free speech for political correctness.

1) Imus-- What he said about the girls' basketball team was cruel and inappropriate. (However, I don't think it's necessarily more cruel or inappropriate than the things thousands of other entertainers say everyday.) But...to be fired for that? Of course that was a PC, butt-covering move on the part of the station. But wouldn't it have been better if people (us) just said, "What you say is hateful so I'm not going to listen to your show any more."

2) Isaiah Washington-- Okay, the guy seems like a complete jerk, and the more he talks, the deeper he digs his hole. Again, his comments were bigoted and uncalled for....but to be fired for something like that? Again, I disagree. I never liked his character, and I don't like what I've seen of him as a person. Still, I believe people should have the right to voice their opinion, no matter how odious it may seem to me. (I think the only "correct" way to fire Washington in this case, would have been if TR Knight filed a sexual harassment lawsuit-- which would have been valid under "creating a hostile work environment"-- but that's not what happened. It seems to have been entirely a political move.)

3) Livejournal-- This is a little bit different and moves into more of a censorship territory, but the fandoms have been having a summer feud with LJ. I don't have a livejournal anymore, but I read others' LJs and have been sorta keeping up with the developments. People are having their journals deleted without warning, prompting mass exodus to Insane Journal, Greatest Journal and the like. The journals are primarily deleted for having sexual content (some of it artistic), I believe, but here's the thing that is really upsetting people-- Livejournal does not have a clearly stated and enforced policy about what is and is not acceptable. [None of these people have had outright porn on their LJ.] As one LJer said, "If they did have those rules, I wouldn't like it, but I would know that those are the rules I have to follow." But right now, it seems to be capricious.

So...what do all these things have it common? Shutting down free expression and exchange of ideas. Do I want to call people racist or homophobic names or post erotic drawings on the internet? No. But that's not the point. If it's okay to say to Isaiah Washington, "I don't like what you said so you lose your job," what happens when people don't like what I say? If we only allow "free speech" when it's speech we agree with and approve of, that's not free speech at all. A free society allows the free exchange of ideas--even hateful ones-- believing that people are smart enough to make their own decisions.

To me, it seems that censorship even on LJ starts moving things too close for comfort to book banning.

"Wherever they burn books they will also, in the end, burn human beings." ~Heinrich Heine

"If we don't believe in freedom of expression for people we despise, we don't believe in it at all." ~Noam Chomsky

"The fact is that censorship always defeats its own purpose, for it creates, in the end, the kind of society that is incapable of exercising real discretion." ~Henry Steele Commager

"Everyone is in favor of free speech. Hardly a day passes without its being extolled, but some people's idea of it is that they are free to say what they like, but if anyone else says anything back, that is an outrage." ~Winston Churchill

Hatching and such

Monday was Pippin's 5th Hatch Day! Happy Hatch Day, baby bird! I got corn bread to celebrate. (Frosting is too sticky on the beak.) I always tell Pippin that I'm thankful for her efficient hatching because the breeder had promised to hand raise for me the budgie that hatched first. And she was the first....and if she'd taken a longer time pecking her way through the shell, she wouldn't be my bird. :( Anyway, she seemed pleased with our little corn bread celebration, and I didn't make her wear a party hat. :)

Tomorrow (today) is Dani's hatch...er...birthday! Happy b-day, Dani, even though you're in NY and probably not reading this. Have fun. :)

When I went to go get my mail today, my neighbor's granddaughters (ages 13, 11 and 3) were out in the yard and wanted to perform Doodle Bop songs for me. Well, the 11 year old insisted that the 3 year old wanted to sing the songs, but it turns out that the older two actually know ALL the words to ALL the songs and have a little dance routine that goes with it. It was pretty funny. They pouted a bit when I suggested that perhaps they were ready to go back to JR HIGH (since they were singing songs from preschool cartoons)! When their mom saw their performance, she said to me, "You can tell they're starved for attention..... Well, starved for an AUDIENCE, anyway!"

Mini Media Report

*Movie: Arctic Tale-- The baby polar bear is dead, and it's all your fault. A friend had free passes for this documentary so I went with assorted co-workers, kids and extraneous others. It was okay-- a documentary about how global warning has affected polar bears and walruses. My friend's six year old said, "I'd see that again if I had to." Yeah.

*DVD: Blood Diamond-- I was pleasantly surprised by this movie. It's one of the best that I've seen in a long time. It's suspenseful and thought-provoking, but it has moments of humor too. (DiCaprio's character is from Rhodesia, which was interesting to me because last year I read a memoir of a woman who was also white and grew up in Rhodesia. That one's called Don't Let's Go To the Dogs Tonight.) I don't want to say too much about the movie, but I'd highly suggest renting it.

*DVD: Weeds, Season 2-- I'm not sure how I started watching this show but I blame Dani. I don't think it has a single redeeming value, but it makes me laugh. A lot. Way more than it should. For the uninitiated, S1 introduces us to Nancy, a recent widow, who lives in an upscale, gated community with her two boys. Wanting to keep her lifestyle, but not having marketable skills, Nancy ends up selling baked goods with a special ingredient. One of the special features on S1 DVDs is a cookbook with recipes for everything from brownies to pot (ha!) roast, all with measurements for "herb of choice." In S2, Nancy and her motley crew of investors start growing. Nancy's trying to keep everything from unraveling, but she's got a tiger by the tail and is not at all in control. One of the special features for this season is an instructional short about how to grow, say, tomato plants in your closet (and yes, they actually use air quotes and say "tomato plants")-- including what type of light fixtures you'll need, watering, nutrients, when to harvest, etc. Yeah...so I'm not recommending this show. Not at all. But it does make me laugh.

*DVD: Supernatural-- I know that even in a year, I'm going to look back and say, "What was I thinking?" but I love this show right now. I finished S1, and I'm waiting for the release of S2 DVDs (though I'm not as excited about that as I am about PRISON BREAK S2 DVDS releasing in Sept.!!!).

God and the gas gauge

I was almost out of gas tonight in an area outside of town with few gas stations. I was planning to stop at a particular station, but it was blocked by a large accident. Since my gas gauge was on empty and the emergency gas light came on, I didn't know if I would make it to the next station (probably about 7 miles). I kept praying that I would not run out of gas, and I actually watched the gas gauge move off of empty (after it had been on empty for 10 minutes or so), and the gas light went off. I made it to the station with no problem and even got up several hills.

There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle. -- Albert Einstein

Hovering near normalcy

Well, Theresa's reading so I guess I can't start writing in my own fantasy language or completely devote the blog to fannish obsessions. (Although, I think Theresa already knows I'm a little bit...uh...unusual...so she might not be surprised. ;) I mean, after multiple, all-day, Saturday classes, all weirdness starts to surface.)

I'm off to the dentist so next time you see me, you might want to wear shades so you're not blinded by my dazzlingly white smile. :D

Get out while there's still time!

Does anyone read this? (I tend to think people don't...and then out of the blue, someone will mention something I posted. Oddly jarring.) If not, I think I'm going to start posting weirder stuff. You've been forewarned.

BTW, if I ever get a black dog, I'm going to name it Sirius or Padfoot. Heh. But if I get a golden retriever, I think I still want to name it Frodo. I was going to get an African Grey and name it Arwen, but now I'm thinking a green cheeked pineapple conure might be better so I'll have to come up with a suitable name. Other people plan the names of their kids, but I plan the names of my pets. Hey, I have a friend who wants to marry a guy named Hugh just for all of the song insert potential ("I love HUGH," "I can't live without HUGH, etc.). That is so ridiculous that I feel that any potential pet-naming cannot even touch that level of insanity.

I just read an interview with Jensen Ackles and Jared Padalecki (Dean and Sam from Supernatural) that was in a Norwegian magazine and translated into English online. It is very clear that they did not expect this interview to be read in English because their answers are weirder and more honest than any other interviews I've read from them (and they're weird, in general...and very hands-on). It was pretty funny though. I wonder if they know that it's floating around. (Hey, they should know by now to watch what they say around people with pencils and notepads!) Example:

- What's your biggest pet peeve?
- Tabloid press and reality TV. That's some of the worst shit ever. Why does the younger generation care to read or watch that kind of crap? Are they completely stupid and brain dead? It's just sad, Jensen explains and shakes his head.
Jared taps him on the shoulder.
- Relax. The people you're talking about probably watch Supernatural.
- Yeah, and that's good, but that's not really the world's most intellectual show either. Though we are forced to say something else and we're of course thankful that we have a job.

Heh.

How convenient

I'm trapped in my house by monsoon rains, a flat tire and a small rock avalanche blocking my way to the tire store.

So...yeah. Fanfiction.

Okay, this is the only post-DH I've read so far and mostly because it's light and silly and helps make up for the epilogue.

Here's the non-spoilery (for Deathly Hallows) summary from the author's website: Trying to keep your ship from sinking? Dislike the ending of the Deathly Hallows? Find the writing style out-of-place? Want to dismiss it for all your fic-writing purposes? Here's a quick, easy fix.

The Special Edition by alena_hu
Warning: This very short fic contains significant spoilers for Deathly Hallows and will really only make sense after finishing DH.

Turning the sound back on

I've been avoiding people and media and talk and noise...while I've finished HP and the Deathly Hallows...because I didn't want any spoilers. But now, I am finished so I can take life off mute. I won't say much about the book right now, but I wasn't disappointed. :) I was just checking flists and people have already written post-DH stories. I can't read them yet, though. I need time for it all to settle.

My car has a flat tire. I suppose I need to get it fixed before driving 20 miles to a b-day party tomorrow. Sigh.

General randomness

-I just picked up the book Stranger at the Gate (Mel White) from the library, and it's a fairly interesting read. (A professor recommended it so four years later, I'm reading it!) Mel was the poster child for evangelical Christianity (at least, according to him) and ghost-writing for the big guys like Jerry Falwell, and married to a beautiful wife with two fabulous kids....and had a slight problem with being gay. And then he decided it was not a problem and moved in with Gary and lived happily ever after. Well, I don't know about the last part because I haven't gotten that far, but I do know that his partner's name is Gary. Anyway, I'll say more about the book after I finish reading it. However, as Mel was listing his vast accomplishments in the Christian film industry, his 1970s abstinence film sounded oddly familiar. I'm almost positive I was subjected to that movie in some sex ed class. (Nancy and the van definitely rings a bell.) That got me thinking about other exciting sex ed movies. There's A New You A-Comin' wins the YIKES award hands-down. It even had a song that went with it. Puberty fits onto the list of "things about which no one should ever write a song." No, really. And the Brady Bunch needs to sit down too. Whether it's time to change or not. On the plus side, that movie featured a maxi pad that could also double as a flotation device.

-Have you ever seen the Target Lady skits on SNL? They're basically about a Target checker who is overly enthusiastic about every item and must discuss it in detail. I met that checker at Target a few days ago. Look, I really don't need to get your opinion and commentary on every purchase, thanks. While I was shopping, one girl called (loudly) to her friend in another aisle, "Hey, I found your Vagisil over here!" I hope they got the Target Lady, and I hope she had a nice little chat with them about the Vagisil. It would have almost been worth buying the Vagisil just to see if she would comment on it.

-I got the audio version of HP and the Deathly Hallows. If you're finished, do not speak to me about it, or I will kill you. That's all. Have a pleasant day.

Media Report

Guess what? We might break the heat record here by having 40 consecutive days above 100 degrees! Exciting, huh? Well, I've been trying to mostly avoid the heat. My mom was here for a couple of days, and that was nice. Other than that, I've been enjoying my media:

*Book: The Lovely Bones (Alice Sebold) –If my neighbor hadn’t assured me that the book would get more interesting, I would have stopped listening to the audio narration after the first few chapters. Who would have thought that a book about murder could be so yawn-inducing? But…my neighbor was right, and it did pick up. In reality, the novel is about how 14-year-old Susie’s murder affects her family, friends and others…and how this event unifies, divides and shapes the course of individual lives. I have qualms about this portrayal of the afterlife—and one particular scene towards the end was a little bit too much Ghost and Unchained Melody—but overall, it’s an interesting and ultimately uplifting story of healing and resilience. (Just as a note: Alice Sebold, the author, was brutally raped her freshman year of college. She tells that story in her memoir, Lucky, which I have also read.)

*Book: The Kite Runner (by whoever wrote it…can’t be bothered to find the book right now)—I didn’t read this completely, but I read the beginning and skimmed the rest. As with most best- sellers, I’m a little mystified by the hype. It’s pretty good. Not great. Depressing as well.

*Movie: Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix—I confess that I’m still grousing that Cuaron did not direct this movie. (He directed HP and the Prisoner of Azkaban, which is pretty much undisputed as the best HP movie.) If Cuaron had directed OtP, it would have been moody, atmospheric and understated. Yeager chose a modernized, slick, lights and action version…which is fine, but not my preference. As a movie, it is a good movie. It is well-acted and directed. As a representation of the book, I’m a bit disappointed, but I understand the difficulty of trying to condense 600-700 pages of material into a 2 hour movie. However, some of the plot alterations really do not work in light of the events of the next book, HP and the Half Blood Prince. They are minor quibbles, and they’d probably be missed by most movie-goers. However, since I’ve listened to the book about 6 times, these minor details bother me.

*Movie: Ratatouille—Okay, so I’m not the only one who is kind of skeeved out by the rats in the kitchen, but if you can get past that, it’s a cute movie about following your dreams, loyalty and giving others a chance to shine. The animation’s great. I don’t see this as a stand-out Disney/Pixar movie, but it’s entertaining family fare. As I watched this movie, I thought about how the Disney movies of my childhood were utterly terrifying to small children (villains from Sleeping Beauty, The Little Mermaid, Fantasia, etc.). Disney/Pixar has seemed to move away from that, and I think that’s a change for the better! On the other hand, I miss all of the music from the old Disney movies. We don’t get soundtracks like Lion King anymore…..

*Movie: Ocean’s 13—Well, I can’t really complain about any movie with such enjoyable eye candy, but I found this one a bit lack-luster. It wasn’t bad, but I didn’t think it was as funny as Ocean’s 12. It seemed like they were trying to be warm and fuzzy, and I’d rather they just stick to lying and cheating.

*DVD: I Trust You To Kill Me—This documentary follows Kiefer Sutherland as he travels through Europe with the band he fronts, Rocco Deluca and the Burden. ALSO, did you know that Kiefer is the grandson of the Most Important Canadian Ever, the guy who was instrumental in getting universal health care? Now you know! This DVD will appeal to two groups: 1) those who love Kiefer Sutherland (or even just love looking at Kiefer Sutherland), and 2) those who love Rocco Deluca and the Burden. Others will be bored.

*TV/DVD: Supernatural—All right, I decided to give it another shot. Why? The fanfic of course! Too many good writers that I know from other communities write in the Supernatural fandom. So I had to read their stories….and then I needed to know the background. So…the Winchester boys are growing on me. (I must say, though, that for all of the squeeing going on, the boys aren’t THAT attractive. Wentworth Miller, on the other hand….)

Surgeon, Fangirl....Hater?

Okay, I'm on my way out the door, but I just have to say that this fan-meta-crossover-fic is all kinds of funny, clever awesomeness!

Cristina (from Gray's Anatomy) becomes obsessed with the show, Veronica Mars. I don't even like Cristina, and I love this fic. Cristina is totally obsessive, and I could see her like this. George wants to know when everyone's watching tv without him (and if Cristina can prettyplease TiVo America's Top Model for him). Izzie wants to hear more about Wallace. Meredith thinks Eddie Haskell is misunderstood. And Cristina actually likes a patient...because they have VM questions in common. Spoilers for Season 1 of VM.

Not quite like the Hallmark commercial

Have you seen those commercials for the musical Hallmark cards? Well, I thought that would be fun for my grandma and great aunt (who have close birthdays and are living together) so I sent them one about how hot they are with Johnny Cash's "Ring of Fire." I just got a voice mail from my great aunt asking if I was trying to kill them. Apparently, opening a card and being greeted with Johnny's dulcet tones was a bit frightening! :) Maybe the cards are better for those UNDER 80!

You know how I said I was sick? Well, last night, I couldn't figure out why it was so freaking hot in the house (Ring of Fire!) and kept checking the thermostat...until I thought to dig out the thermometer. Yep, I had a fever. I took Tylenol, and the apartment seemed to get a bit cooler. I'm still not feeling great, but no fever today. I slept this afternoon to rest up for Harry Potter. I'll just bring Tylenol. And maybe caffeine.

Could this post be any more boring?

Speaking of sick, I am sick...not seriously ill but annoyingly so....just enough that I feel generally unwell. I think I may have an ear infection, but I'm trying home remedies first. Anyway, I have to be better by tomorrow (well, in about 22 hours) because I'm going to the 12:01 AM showing of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix.

In other news, we've hit our 27th consecutive day of 100+ degree heat. If we hit 39, we'll tie the record. I don't think we're going to make it though, as the monsoon has arrived and temps seem to be dipping down into the high 90s every now and then.

Well, it's after 1 AM and Pippin is having a fit about being in her cage. I'd better go see what's keeping her up (probably me!).

Prison Break fics

This is primarily for my benefit because I don't think anyone who reads my blog reads PB fanfic, but you never know. I'm just trying to keep track of my favorite PB fics. I've only watched through S1, so there are no spoilers beyond that.

Trick of the Light (lovely, long Michael/Sara with major spoilers for S1 finale)

It takes her a long time to fall asleep. When she does, she dreams of him, dreams of walking with him on the beach, touching his hands, his mouth soft and warm as she kisses him. When she awakens, alone in her bed in Chicago, the tears on her lips taste like seawater and the distant noise of traffic sounds almost like the ocean.

The Difference Between a Rule and a Law (gen-ish, pre-series about Michael and Lincoln)

Rules one hundred and twenty-one through one hundred and forty-four are codes of conduct for Michael. They state how he is to act, what he can and cannot say and do, and exactly what names he is not allowed to call Lisa, Veronica, Stacy, Blonde Kim, Fat Kim, Detroit, Annabella, Shaniqua, Katarina, LaToya, Latricia, Nicole or Mary-Sue.

Michael has broken every rule from one hundred and twenty-one to one hundred and forty-four.

--

Rule two hundred and two states that Lincoln will never deal with the Aryan Brotherhood again.

--

Rule number two hundred and seventy-one is Never abandon your brother. No matter what.

Rule number two hundred and ninety-nine is blood is thicker then water.

Rule three hundred states that there is only one law that matters.

Law number one says you do not abandon your brother.

Ever.

Sickos and Samaritans

I saw Michael Moore's Sicko last night, and it's very thought-provoking. Propaganda? Skewed? Absolutely! But if people miss seeing it (or dismiss the overall message) because the movie is not unbiased, I think they're really missing out. I was just telling one of my friends about Sicko and then encouraged her to see it. "Why?" she asked. "You just told me the whole movie." Well, it's not like there's a plot so I don't see comments as "spoilers," but just in case you feel the same, I won't say too much about specifics in this post (so you have time to go see the movie).

However, I will say that the treatment of the Americans in the Cuban hospital reminded me of the parable of the good Samaritan (from Luke 10, The Message version of the Bible, emphasis mine): [Remember, Jews were prejudiced against Samaritans during this period.]

25Just then a religion scholar stood up with a question to test Jesus. "Teacher, what do I need to do to get eternal life?"

26He answered, "What's written in God's Law? How do you interpret it?"

27He said, "That you love the Lord your God with all your passion and prayer and muscle and intelligence—and that you love your neighbor as well as you do yourself."

28"Good answer!" said Jesus. "Do it and you'll live."

29Looking for a loophole, he asked, "And just how would you define 'neighbor'?"

30-32Jesus answered by telling a story. "There was once a man traveling from Jerusalem to Jericho. On the way he was attacked by robbers. They took his clothes, beat him up, and went off leaving him half-dead. Luckily, a priest was on his way down the same road, but when he saw him he angled across to the other side. Then a Levite religious man showed up; he also avoided the injured man.

33-35"A Samaritan traveling the road came on him. When he saw the man's condition, his heart went out to him. He gave him first aid, disinfecting and bandaging his wounds. Then he lifted him onto his donkey, led him to an inn, and made him comfortable. In the morning he took out two silver coins and gave them to the innkeeper, saying, 'Take good care of him. If it costs any more, put it on my bill—I'll pay you on my way back.'

36"What do you think? Which of the three became a neighbor to the man attacked by robbers?"

37"The one who treated him kindly," the religion scholar responded.

Jesus said, "Go and do the same."

Insurance companies (and sadly, sometimes Americans in general) are always looking for a loophole to get out of treating a patient. [That's inherent in for-profit health care. The theory of free market doesn't really apply because, in reality, we don't have a choice which HMO or PPO we have...and even if we did, it's a choice between one evil and another.] In looking for loopholes and exceptions, we stop seeing people. When the Samaritan came upon the injured man, he didn't say, "Oh, this is a Jew, and Jews don't like me. He's not my responsibility. His own people should help him." He just saw a person in need...so he helped the man. Jesus said the Samaritan "became a neighbor," implying that our neighbor has nothing to do with geographical location and everything to do with need.

And if we can't convince the US government, at least Moore's directed us to this site: http://www.hook-a-canuk.com/.

Move along people, nothing to see here

Sorry about the wonky fonts below. I'm too lazy to actually fix it, but I will apologize.

'Cause it's my blog and I can

I'm posting lyrics to "Breathing" and "Sick Cycle Carousel." Because I can.

Breathing

I'm finding my way back to sanity again

Though I don't really know what
I'm going to do when I get there
Take a breath and hold on tight
Spin around one more time
And gracefully fall back to the arms of grace

I am hanging on every word you say
And even if you don't want to speak tonight
That's alright, alright with me
'Cause I want nothing more than to sit
Outside heaven's door and listen to you breathing
Is where I want to be

I'm looking past the shadows
Of my mind into the truth and
I'm trying to identify
The voices in my head
God, which one's you?
Let me feel one more time
What it feels like to feel
And break these callouses off me
One more time

'Cause I am hanging on every word you say
And even if you don't want to speak tonight
That's alright, alright with me
'Cause I want nothing more than to sit
Outside your door and listen to you breathing
Is where I want to be

I don't want a thing from you
Bet you're tired of me waiting
For the straps to fall
Off your table to the ground
I just want to be here now

'Cause I am hanging on every word you say
And even if you don't want to speak tonight
That's alright, alright with me
'Cause I want nothing more than to sit
Outside heaven's door and listen to you breathing
Is where I want to be

Sick Cycle Carousel

If shame had a face I think it
would kind of look like mine
If it had a home would it be my eyes
Would you believe me if I said I'm tired of this
Well here we go now one more time

I tried to climb your steps
I tried to chase you down
I tried to see how low I could get it down to the ground
I tried to earn my way
I tried to tame this mind
You better believe that I tried to beat this

[CHORUS]
So when will this end it goes on and on
Over and over and over again
Keep spinning around I know that it won't stop
Till I step down from this for good

I never thought I'd end up here
Never thought I'd be standing where I am
I guess I kinda thought it would be easier than this
I guess I was wrong now one more time

I tried to climb your steps
I tried to chase you down
I tried to see how long I could get it down to the ground
I tried to earn my way
I tried to tame this mind
You better believe that I tried yo beat this

[REPEAT CHORUS]
Sick cycle carousel
This is a sick cycle, yeah
Sick cycle carousel
This is a sick cycle, yeah

Now that I'm posting these, I'm remembering how much I like "Everything" too. Since it's actually the song that drew me to Lifehouse, I'll post lyrics to that one too:

find me here
speak to me
i want to feel you
i need to hear you
you are the light
that is leading me
to the place where
i find peace again
you are the strength
that keeps me walking
you are the hope
that keeps me trusting
you are the life to my soul
you are my purpose
you are everything
and how can i
stand here with you
and not be moved by you
would you tell me
how could it be
any better than this
you calm the storms
you give me rest
you hold me in your hands
you won't let me fall
you still my heart
and you take my breath away
would you take me in
would you take me deeper now
'cause you're all i want
you are all i need
you are everything
everything

Lifehouse and my fabulous 4th

Well, the weather was much cooler than expected-- only 110-113 instead of 117-- and I had a great time at the 4th of July concert. (However, at least one person was sent to the hospital with heat stroke, and one of my friends left early due to heat-related illness.) Lifehouse was the headlining band, and Rocco Deluca and The Burden also played. I love Lifehouse, and I've loved them since their first CD. Their first CD was definitely the best, second was good, third kinda blah...and I don't have their newest one (released 2 weeks ago) yet. They played a great mix, with plenty of their "old" songs. They didn't play my favorite Lifehouse song ("Breathing") but they played my second favorite "Somewhere In Between" (well, that ties with "Sick Cycle Carousel" depending on my life at the time...but usually a tie):

I can't be losing sleep
over this, no I can't
and now I cannot stop pacing
give me a few hours
I'll have this all sorted out
if my mind would just stop racing

cause I cannot stand still
I can't be this unsturdy
this cannot be happening

this is over my head
but underneath my feet
cause by tomorrow morning
I'll have this thing beat
and everything will be back to the way that it was
I wish that it was just that easy

cause I'm waiting for tonight
and then waiting for tomorrow
and I'm somewhere in between
what is real and just a dream
what is real and just a dream
what is real and just a dream

would you catch me if I fall out of what I fell in
don't be surprised if I collapse
down at your feet again
I don't want to run away from this
I know that I just don't need this

cause I cannot stand still
I can't be this unsturdy
this cannot be happening, yeah

cause I'm waiting for tonight
and then waiting for tomorrow
and I'm somewhere in between
what is real and just a dream
what is real and just a dream
what is real and just a dream
what is real and just a dream

[Jason Wade wrote that when he was 17. Not bad.]

Jason Wade truly has an excellent voice. He's very personable with the audience too, which makes things fun. During one of the songs, a tarantula walked right in front of the stage, and as the security guy tried to scoot it away, Wade said, "No, wait, bring that back! He's my pet tarantula. Bring him up on stage-- he does tricks!" As security looked at him askance, he said, "No, I'm kidding! Get that thing away from here." Then he added, "I've been touring for 8 years, and that's one of the strangest things that's happened during a show. I was just singing, and this tarantula walks right in front of me, and it's THIS BIG [spreads his arms several feet]!" Heh.

I was there with several friends, and we alternated standing right in front of the stage and hanging out on our blanket (to cool off, rehydrate and give our eardrums a break). One of my friends returned to the blanket after a long time down by the stage. "Are you deaf yet?" I asked. "WHAT?!!" she shouted. "Can you still hear?" I asked. "HUH?" she responded. Yeah. But I agree, it was much more fun down by the stage (ringing ears and all). I like feeling the bass through my whole body, the beat almost like emotional CPR. It's like being part of the pulse of something greater than yourself.

The fireworks were fun too and lasted for almost 30 mins. The recorded music for the fireworks could have been better (or they could have had one of the live bands play), but all in all, they were enjoyable.

Disappointments:
1. I didn't win $10K. The person right in front of me won. I got $100 though so I don't feel like a loser.
2. No Kiefer Sutherland. I didn't really expect him to be there, but when they announced Rocco Deluca, they said, "And maybe Kiefer Sutherland will jump out of a bongo drum during the concert." Okay, no, I didn't think Kiefer was in a bongo drum (it would be way too hot), but I thought maybe he was there and was going to make an appearance. Sigh. No Kiefer. (Or maybe he was in a bongo drum and was overcome by heat exhaustion.......)
3. They didn't play "Breathing." :(
4. Lifehouse played "You and Me." Okay, I know this is the radio single for their third album, but I don't like that song. I find it boring and tedious. Oh, well.

I had a great time anyway.

Just step over the bodies and enjoy the music and fireworks

So...our friendly weatherman says that it will be between 111-117 degrees tomorrow. Delightful. Guess where I'll be? Outside, at a concert. If you don't hear from me for a while, I'm probably in a heat-induced coma.

Waiter, there's a fly in my soup! Oh, nevermind. It's just my bird.

I removed my bowl of lentil soup from the microwave and set it on the counter, only to have Pippin swoop down and land IN MY SOUP. I removed the soup-soaked bird from my dinner and tried to coax her into the sink for a bath. She would have none of that. Well, I didn't want her dripping lentils all over the apartment so I held her on her back with one hand and grabbed a wet washcloth with the other. Generally, she is quite opposed to this position, but today, instead of clucking and squirming, she remained still....and seemed to enjoy the sponge bath. In fact, she's been a lot cuddlier in general over the past few months. She enjoys being pet a lot more, and let me tell you, petting a bird is really adorable. :)

Still, I wish she would stay out of my soup. And I still think she needs a full bath. (I don't know why she doesn't want one. It's been 108 degrees for the past several days. You'd think she'd welcome the water! But no.....just soup.)

Just 'cause

The Strange Questions Survey
Have you ever licked the back of a CD to try to get it to work?:	uh...no.
What's the largest age difference between yourself and someone you've date:	10 years?
Ever been in a car wreck?:	yes
Were you popular in high school?:	no
Have you ever been on a blind date?:	kinda (long story...didn't work out well!)
Are looks important?:	to me? not so much......
Do you have any friends that you've known for 10 years or more??:	not quite, though DD is close
By what age would you like to be married?:	I may never get married, and that's okay with me.
Does the number of people a person's slept with affect your view of them?:	No, and it's not like I ask (though many friends volunteer that info, but usually after I know them fairly well).
Have you ever made a mistake?:	None. Kidding. Yes, of course. That's a stupid question.
Are you a good tipper?:	Yes, very good.
What's the most you have spent for a haircut?:	Well, I usually go to Great Clips so that's less than $20.
Have you ever had a crush on a teacher?:	yes
Have you ever peed in public?:	Public meaning "in front of people," no. (Well, except in Russia, but that was kind of different situation due to bathroom set-up in some parts of Siberia.) Public meaning "outside behind a tree," yes. (Who hasn't?)
What song do you want played at your funeral?:	I'll have to get back to you on that.
Would you tell your parents if you were gay?:	I'm not, but if I were, I would not tell them unless I had a compelling reason to do so.
What would your last meal be before getting executed?:	Peanut butter chocolate ice cream. (Hey, it's my last meal-- it doesn't need to be nutritionally balanced!) Linc (in Prison Break) chose blueberry pancakes.
Beatles or Stones?:	Beatles
If you had to pick one person on earth to die, who?:	see "Death Penalty" post
Beer, wine or hard liquor?:	tea
Do you have any phobias?:	snakes
What are your plans for the future?:	to set goals for my future
Do you walk around the house naked?:	yes, though not usually completely naked (but it is rather hot here, as I previously mentioned)
If you were an animal what would you be?:	dolphin
Hair color you like on someone you're dating?:	not picky (about hair!)
Would you rather be blind or deaf?:	deaf (easier to be independent than blind)
Do you have any special talents?:	yes
What do you do as soon as you walk in the house?:	drop everything in a heap by the door and let Pippin out of her cage
Do you like horror or comedy?:	comedy (if those are the only choices)
Are you missing anyone?:	not really
If you weren't straight, what person of the same sex would you do?:	Hmmm....maybe this is why I'm not gay!
Where do you want to live when you are old?:	someplace warm with a beach
Who is the person you can count on the most?:	my dear DDD :)
If you could date any celebrity past or present, who would it be?:	Oh gosh, where do I begin? Scott Foley, Wentworth Miller, Kiefer Sutherland (bit too old), others would do. :) I think Scott and I would work personality-wise. Wentworth might be a bit too impressed with himself, but I can't quite tell if it's that or exhaustion when he's doing interviews. Kiefer seems like a great guy, in general, not to mention that he is JACK BAUER.
What did you dream last night?:	can't remember
What is your favorite sport to watch?:	I hate sports.
Are you named after anyone?:	My middle name is after my mom.
What is your favorite alcoholic drink?:	N/A
Non alcoholic drink?:	Blueberry-pomegranate juice with sparkling water
Have you ever been in love?:	no
Do you sing in the shower?:	no but I sing around the house and in the car
Have you ever been arrested?:	no but I've been chased by the police
What is your favorite Holiday?:	Arbor Day
Would you ever get plastic surgery?:	not unless I was in a disfiguring accident
Have you ever caught a fish?:	nope, never been fishing (though I used to have a pet fish named Spot-- because I really wanted a puppy)

Good news (but I may die from the heat before anyting actually happens)

The two big grants I co-wrote for the district were awarded, meaning close to 900,000 dollars for at-risk kids over the next 3 years. Yay! Now, everyone's acting like I'm already re-hired, which is great, but the district doesn't actually have the money yet...or board approval for hire...etc. So...even though my supervisor and the school's principal are calling and e-mailing as though I already have the job, I'll feel better once I have a signed, legal document to that effect.

In other news, it was 109 today when I drove by a temp thing. Yeah, and even in the car with AC full-blast, it felt 109. Yuck. It's supposed to be 110 on July 4th.

Computer survives transplant surgery

Well, things were touch and go for some time, but it seems that the new hard drive has given my computer more time for us to share together. I'm glad because I really missed my computer while it was away. I'm very grateful to my friend who attempted the risky procedure and saved my computer and my data as well!

The Death Penalty

I have been opposed to the death penalty for quite some time, but Prison Break just reminded me about some of the reasons. However, I think the best, summative explanation for my position is explained by J.R.R. Tolkien (writing Gandalf's response to Frodo that Gollum deserves death):

“Deserves it! I daresay he does. Many that live deserve death. And some that die deserve life. Can you give it to them? Then do not be too eager to deal out death in judgment, fearing for your own safety. Even the wise cannot see all ends.”

In Prison Break, one of the main characters is framed as part of a vast conspiracy and is sentenced to die (so his brother has to break him out of prison). Okay, that's probably not going to happen too often. On a less paranoid note, the movie The Life of David Gale is also about the possibility of executing an innocent person. However, even if there were a way to verify guilt with 100% accuracy, I still would not be a supporter of the death penalty. A lot of that--probably most of that-- is because of my faith. It's odd to me that some of the strongest supporters of the death penalty are religious. My feeling is that if we truly believe in life after death, heaven, hell and eternity, we shouldn't be so hasty to send anyone into the afterlife. I don't want to be responsible for sending someone to hell, no matter what he's done. His eternity is between him and God. Moreover, I believe his life is in the hands of God. Yes, put him in prison without parole, but don't overstep your role.

Another argument for the death penalty is that it brings closure for the victims. (Well, if someone is on death row, he's probably killed most of his victims so we're probably talking about victims' families.) But does it really? I haven't seen the movie, but Dead Man Walking portrays the (mostly) true story of the execution of Robert Lee Willie. In addition to the gruesome rape and murder for which he was sentenced to death, Willie also kidnapped, tortured and raped Debbie Morris. Forgiving the Dead Man Walking is her story (which I have read). She herself is not for or against the death penalty. However, after her horrifying ordeal and countless court testimonies, she believed she would finally find closure and peace when Willie was executed. She did not. The peace she sought only came through a process of forgiveness-- not for his sake, but for her own. Now that's just one victim's perspective, but I would be surprised if others have also lacked a sense of closure even after the execution.

I know there are many more arguments for and against, but you're probably not that interested anyway. Just a few thoughts for today........

Media report

And now, it is time to report on the fabulous world of unreality!

*Prison Break-- Prison Break is my new love. I would marry Michael Scofield if I weren't such a diehard Sara/Michael shipper. I have just watched Season 1 DVDs in a whirlwind of late-night viewing, and this show is so awesome. I'm completely obsessed. I can't wait for Season 2 DVDs to come out. (This is one of those shows where many of the plot elements are not all that plausible-- requiring liberal suspension of disbelief, particularly when it comes to the wall-drilling cababilities of egg-beaters-- BUT the relationships, characters and emotions are very real and hard-hitting. And there are conspiracy theories, and who doesn't love a good conspiracy? And origami. And a smart, hot, tragic hero with a rescue complex....with beautiful blue-green eyes. :sigh: )

* Children of Men--Luminous, brilliant cinematography. Each scene could be printed and framed. Cuaron is a master of creating mood. I loved that aspect. I found the storyline incredibly depressing, and I felt a little too distant from the characters to make an emotional connection. However, even without the infertility crisis, I could see those situations being realistic. It's just an amplification of the problems we're currently experiencing in the world. That was sobering and thought-provoking. I didn't feel that it offered any real hope, though, and I didn't like the ending. As far as art, I'd give it 4 stars. As far as entertainment/enjoyment, I'd give it 3. I want Cuaron to direct Deathly Hallows.

*Pan's Labyrinth--Loved it, loved it, loved it! I love fairy tales, and this was very well done. It's difficult to mingle fantasy and reality, and the director did a fabulous job. It's ambiguous--did this really happen, or did Sofia only imagine it (classic dissociation in a traumatic situation)? The fantasy frames the story and provides meaning to the "subplot" that seems so desperate and cruel. It reminded me of the The Little Mermaid--not Disney but the real Hans Christen Anderson story. I won't say more because I don't want to spoil the plot. Anyway, I loved this movie. It's rare to find one like this.

*Music and Lyrics--Can you believe I watched this? I know, I generally hate romantic comedies, but I was in a silly mood and wanted something light...at about 1 AM. This fit the bill. Hugh Grant really is rather funny. It's contrived and schmoopy and cheesier than Velveeta...but it's amusing if you're in the right mood (e.g., not ready to watch a dark fairy tale about fascist Spain--see above). I'd suggest watching when half-asleep...or with generous quantities of alcohol....unless you generally like romantic comedies, in which case, you'll love this movie.

*Son of a Preacher Man by Jay Bakker--I wouldn't have chosen this book, but a friend who is not a Christian read it and wanted to get my opinion. In case you didn't catch it from the author, it is written by the son of Jim Bakker (Jay, aka Jamie Charles). I don't really remember much about the whole scandal, but this gives Jay's perspective of what it was like to live through all of that. He is fiercely defensive of both of his parents and feels that the church should have been a haven for them instead of dolling out criticism and contempt. He certainly went through a lot and turned to alcoholism and drugs before returning to Christ. Now he ministers to teens on the "fringes." What I liked: Jay talks about grace and how people change because they realize they are loved even in the midst of their addiction, sin, awfulness....not vice versa. This is the true message of the gospel, but it so often gets lost in rules and pettiness and proper church behavior. What I didn't like: Jay's constant criticism of specific groups and pastors seems a lot like what he condemns. His tone is sometimes a bit whiny. Overall: I think this book would appeal to certain groups, particularly those who know more about the Bakker scandal, as well as those who are in the church struggling with an addiction.

*Pigs in Heaven (Barbara Kingsolver)--I finished this on the trip. I must say, I liked The Bean Trees more. It's good, but I found the multiple viewpoints a bit distracting. The book lagged in parts, and the ending was a bit too convenient. However, it's still better than most contemporary fiction, and it's interesting to pick up with the characters from The Bean Trees.

*Big Love--I really like this tv show. I watched Season 1 on DVDs sometime this year, and I caught the premiere of Season 2 on HBO while I was in San Diego (and now I have to wait for the rest of it to come out on DVD). I don't love this like Prison Break or VM, but I find it interesting. For those of you who are unfamiliar, Big Love is an HBO drama about a fundamentalist, polygamous LDS family living in the suburbs of Utah in the present day. Like Six Feet Under (which is higher on my list of favorites), elements of the show range from completely ridiculous and contrived to spot-on, heart-piercing reality...often within minutes. This is not The Brady Bunch, and this is not a caricature of a polygamous family. This is a "real" family, trying to live what they believe to be God's will. I like the aspects relating to the cult/compound (not where they live but to which they have complicated ties), the power of The Prophet and the difficulty of extricating themselves from those relationships. I really like 17 year old Sara. (I don't know the actress's name, but she played Lilly on Veronica Mars.) I like the new storyline with her going to the ex-LDS support group. She is obviously a talented actress and her range is evident as the two teenage characters mentioned (Sara and Lilly) are truly worlds apart in situation and personality. Sara holds her cards tight to her chest. She manages to be the supportive and dutiful daughter, while at the same time completely disagreeing with her family's lifestyle. In a less skilled actress's hands, Sara could seem petulant or deceptive, but she doesn't. I like the teenage son too and his desperation to be good enough to live The Principle...and his agonizing failures. The wives and Bill are interesting too. I'd like to see Nikki get hit by a bus....but other than that.... :) Anyway, it's a good show. It is on HBO though so be prepared to see more skin than you might on network tv. (Like most HBO shows, this seems to be patchy, i.e., you might have a couple of episodes in a row with a lot of nudity and then that's it. For example, I don't think there was anything in the premiere last week that would go beyond PG-13.)