Jesus Camp

I wrote a whole long post about this, but blogspot ate it. I will summarize by saying that I find this Academy Award nominee for best documentary, Jesus Camp, very interesting, and I'd like to discuss it with you so put it in your Netflix queue all quick like...or at the least, check out these links here, here and here. If you do rent, purchase, borrow, steal, illegally download or otherwise procure the DVD for your viewing entertainment, please be sure to watch the directors' commentary. It's just as interesting as the "main feature." Let me know when you watch it and what you think!

In other news, I have found striking similarities between my life and that of Veronica Mars (besides the murdered best friend, super-hot boyfriend, attack dog, affinity for tasers and the like). Other than it, the show could be autobiographical. Or something. Anyway, I'm currently camped out at the angst-fest which is Jacqui's Molasses and Taffy:

She stares at the phone in her hand for a few seconds until she feels Logan nuzzling the top of her head.

"I kinda hate the world, you know?"

His chest rises under her and she can't tell if it's because he tried to laugh or tried not to cry.

"Me too." He sighs. "Though I think it's mutual in my case."

Happy Earth Day

"Everybody needs beauty as well as bread, places to play in and pray in, where nature may heal and give strength to body and soul." ~John Muir

"You can't be suspicious of a tree, or accuse a bird or a squirrel of subversion or challenge the ideology of a violet." ~Hal Borland, Sundial of the Seasons, 1964 [Obviously, Mr. Borland has never been in close acquaintance with either a bird or a squirrel as both can be quite subversive!]

"And this, our life, exempt from public haunt, finds tongues in trees, books in the running brooks, sermons in stones, and good in everything." ~William Shakespeare

"Nature will bear the closest inspection. She invites us to lay our eye level with her smallest leaf, and take an insect view of its plain." ~Henry David Thoreau

"I've made an odd discovery. Every time I talk to a savant I feel quite sure that happiness is no longer a possibility. Yet when I talk with my gardener, I'm convinced of the opposite." ~Bertrand Russell

"The moon is like a mystery novel, the sun like a motivational self-help book, and the stars a coffee table book of photography. The sky is the whole library, and God the librarian." ~Pepper Giardino

"In those vernal seasons of the year when the air is calm and pleasant, it were an injury and sullenness against nature not to go out and see her riches, and partake in her rejoicing with heaven and earth." -John Milton

A good lie can go a long way

I Shall Believe
Sheryl Crow

Come to me now
And lay your hands over me
Even if it's a lie
Say it will be alright
And I shall believe
I'm broken in two
And I know you're on to me
That I only come home
When I'm so all alone
But I do believe

That not everything is gonna be the way
You think it ought to be
It seems like every time I try to make it right
It all comes down on me
Please say honestly you won't give up on me
And I shall believe
And I shall believe

Open the door
And show me your face tonight
I know it's true
No one heals me like you
And you hold the key

Never again
would I turn away from you
I'm so heavy tonight
But your love is alright
And I do believe

That not everything is gonna be the way
You think it ought to be
It seems like every time I try to make it right
It all comes down on me
Please say honestly
You won't give up on me
And I shall believe
I shall believe
And I shall believe

It's amazing how comforting a lie can be.

Frederick Buechner (again)

"It is out of the whirlwind that Job first hears God say, 'Who is this that darkens counsel by words without knowledge?' (Job 42:3). It is out of the absence of God that God makes himself present, and it is not just the whirlwind that stands for his absence, not just the storm and chaos of the world that knock into a cocked hat all man's attempts to find God in the world, but God is absent also from all Job's words about God, and from the words of his comforters, because they are words without knowledge that obscure the issue of God by trying to define him as present in ways and places where he is not present, to define him as moral order, as the best answer man can give to the problem of his life. God is not an answer man can give, God says. God himself does not give answers. He gives himself, and into the midst of the whirlwind of his absence he gives himself."

I'm grateful for my friends

Although I cannot find the exact quote, I'm quite sure that Elizabeth Wurtzel (who am not particularly fond of) once wrote, "If your life is going to be one long emergency, it's important to have good friends." Now, I wouldn't consider my life to be "one long emergency," but some days just really suck...and sometimes even that's an understatement. At those times, it's helpful to have friends who can cushion the descent, without worrying about what they're going to think or say to others. Thanks. It means a lot.

The pitter patter of webbed feet in the desert

As I was driving home from work today, I noticed it was still light out so I decided to stop by Sabino to take some pictures of flowers. As I was finishing up, a duck fell out of the sky and landed at my feet. (Apparently, landing was not its strong suit!)

Me: Hello, duck. You look like a Mallard.
Duck: --picks itself up and preens feathers--
Me: It's kind of weird to see a duck in the desert.
Duck: --stares--
Me: Would you mind if I took your picture?
Duck: --waddles over to me--
Me: Oh, well, I don't have any food to give you.
Duck: Quack.
Me: Yeah, and there's probably a rule against feeding ducks anyway.
Duck: --waddles closer--
Me: Well, I know a story about some Mallards. See, Mr. and Mrs. Mallard had a whole bunch of ducklings named Jack, Quack, Pack, Nack, Lack, Ouack...and there were some others.
Duck: Quack!
Me: Well, it's getting dark so I'd better be going.
Duck: Quack. --begins to follow me--
Me: Are you lost?
Duck: Quack. Quack.

So...the duck followed me, keeping up a running commentary, and looking quite worried as it got darker and more animal noises could be heard. I figured I shouldn't go to the parking lot (since the duck kept following me) so I headed back down the trail towards an area where there would be water. People kept doing double-takes, asking if the duck was my pet, taking pictures, etc., as we walked side by side down the path. It was pretty cute. Anyway, it was getting quite dark so I didn't want to go any further so I suggested to the duck that he try calling for his flock again (as he had been doing previously). He took my suggestion immediately. After a couple of minutes of quacking calls, he got his answer and flew off to join his flock. He followed me for about 3/4 of a mile though! As we were walking on the path, I told him that I hadn't really planned to go on a desert hike with a duck today. He looked mildly interested by this and paused to consider. I asked if he had planned to go for a walk with a human today, but he never answered.

Random thoughts of the day

1. When I got up this morning, I discovered that the water had been turned off. I was not happy. My bird was not happy, as I had dumped out her overnight water before attempting to turn on the faucet. She sat on her perch scolding me and staring at the empty spot where her water dish should be until I went out to the car to get a bottle of water. I used that bottle of water to water Pippin, wash my face, brush my teeth and wash down my medicine. I was not particularly happy about it.

2. I found out that Jason Dohring is a Scientologist. I was not happy about that either. (This is not news though; he's actually second-gen Scientologist.) Also, his younger twin sisters played "Chrissy" on Growing Pains (the wonder child who went from infant to 4 years old over summer hiatus).

3. Today, one of the mentors gave me a brightly-colored mylar balloon...and a plant. I'm really not a plant person, so I just kind of wandered around the house holding the little pot, wondering what to do with it. I decided to put it in the bathroom. Pippin's less likely to eat it there, and maybe I'll actually remember to water it. Maybe. The last potted plant I received never made it out of the car. (I forgot, it was hot and the plant died.) It's funny how I'm such a pet person but not a plant person at all.

4. Another person pointed out today that I never read or watch anything light or fun. I tried to contest this. Okay, so after grant writing all day, I might have decided to relax with a nice little documentary about Jonestown (The Life and Death of the People's Temple-- quite excellent actually). And in between schools, I might use my downtown to listen to Voices of the Shoah (Holocaust survivors). But I read and watch other things! I tried to use Lost as an example, but it was shot down (pun intended). I tried Harry Potter but was told that was too depressing too. Band of Brothers? They win eventually, right?

5. I still haven't called people back. I will try to do that this weekend. I'm still working on the new grant.

6. I'm sad to hear about the shootings at V-Tech. :(

Maybe I need to lower the quality of my work a bit

As a "reward" for completing the BIG GRANT narrative, I was sent two additional grants to edit today. Okay, 80 pages of technical writing. I can handle that. Got it done.

So...about an hour ago (yes, 9 PM), my supervisor calls to ask me to write drafts for two MORE state grants. Oh, and they're due a week from tomorrow. She just sent me the documents about the grant-- over 100 pages. And I get to write two grants. This week. Yay. It's not really my supervisor's fault as her supervisor just told her today that the grants must be written...and my supervisor is still working on the budgets/etc for the six that are due on Monday. But still...sigh. I'm tired. I hate grants.

And...it's not like I don't have other (work) things to do. I have four parent/volunteer/student/staff celebrations next week, and I expect over 100 people at one of them. I have to coordinate the food and the kids and the staff, etc. I still have to drive around to all of the sites tomorrow to pick up timesheets and sign and code them and take them to the district offices. I still need to deal with all of the student, volunteer, parent and staff issues. I could use a few more people just to get this all done.

So...if I haven't called you back or e-mailed, this is part of the reason why.

Easter thoughts from Buechner

After contrasting Easter with Christmas, Buechner writes,

The symbol of Easter is the empty tomb. You can't depict or domesticate emptiness. You can't make it into pageants and string it with lights. It doesn't move people to give presents to each other or sing old songs. It ebbs and flows all around us, the Eastertide. Even the great choruses of Handel's Messiah sound a little like a handful of crickets chirping under the moon.

He rose. A few saw him briefly and talked to him. If it is true, there is nothing left to say. If it is not true, there is nothing left to say. For believers and unbelievers alike, life has never been the same again. For some, neither has death. What is left now is the emptiness. There are those who, like Magdalen, will never stop searching it till they find his face.

Random thoughts on dogs and men (but not about when men are dogs...or even that they are)

I met a 13 year old golden retriever named Lucy today. She had just been to the groomer and was so silky and gorgeous! I got to pet her for half an hour while giving her owner (who just moved from San Francisco) job search advice. She (the owner not the dog) invited me to come pet Lucy anytime.

This week, I heard about a couple of friends having babies or getting married (or both), and I was thinking about how many of my friends are married now or are in a serious relationship. While I'm really happy for them, I don't really wish I were in their position...which is odd since that seems to be the response of almost every (still) single friend I have. It's not that I don't want to get married; it's more that I don't care that much either way. A lot of people say, "Well, when that right person comes around, you'll feel differently." I'm sure that's true. If I met "that guy" tomorrow, I would probably have a different view. But...almost all of my single friends (and my married friends when they were single) really want/ed to get married even before they met (married...and now some, divorced) THE ONE. I'm not saying my feelings are better or worse. I really don't know. I'm just making an observation. I was talking with someone about it last year (someone who has known me for quite some time), and she said that maybe it was because I was so unhappy for so long that now that I feel like I have my life back, I don't want to put it in someone else's control. That may be part of it, but even when I'm unhappy now, I don't really think a boyfriend or husband would solve it. (And no, I'm quite sure a female partner would not either before you ask...because I know at least one of you would! Yes, you.) Actually, the golden retriever sounds the best. (But no, I still can't take Lexie. I need a yard first.)That's convenient since a sweet, loyal, compatabile, even-tempered golden retriever is much easier to come by than a husband with the same qualities! :)

nobody said it was easy/ nobody said it would be this hard

So this week has pretty much sucked, and it just seems to be getting worse.

It even included an encounter with.....




So what do you need when a week sucks? Exactly. Fanfiction. (I'm so glad we think alike!)

Lovelovelove this paragraph from "Narcolepsy" (a Veronica Mars fic) by the_spin:

This is why he’s drawn to her, he remembers. Because even though ninety-five percent of the time she’s pissing him off or breaking his heart, five percent of the time she understands him so perfectly that it aches. Five percent of the time she’s more of what he needs than anyone else could be, ever.

And we put the fun in dysfunctional.


As you were.