Review of Love Is an Orientation

The premise of Love Is an Orientation: Elevating the Conversation with the Gay Community (by Andrew Marin) is quite simple; as Christians, we are called to love-- not evaluate or judge-- our neighbors. It is precisely this simplicity that makes Love Is an Orientation such a powerful book for its intended audience-- primarily straight, conservative, evangelical Christians.

Marin fit into the intended audience well and gave little thought to the struggles of those in the GLBT community who were also interested in Christianity....until three of his closest friends came out to him in one year. In response, Marin sought to learn more about the gay community, and he did this by immersion-- spending time in primarily gay bars, just talking to people. Unsurprisingly, he discovered that many had been deeply hurt by the Christianity community. Perhaps more surprising to some, he discovered that many also long for a way to connect with God. What began as a way to understand his friends blossomed into a calling. Marin (now married) chose to move to a predominantly gay section of Chicago, develop relationships and seek to build a bridge between the GLBT community and the Christian Church.

Marin and his foundation have gone to Gay Pride parades wearing shirts that say, "I'm sorry," and holding signs that apologize for the way that the GLBT community has been treated by the Church and by Christians. (Read one account here: "I Hugged A Man in His Underwear, and I Am Proud," and more about it here: "A Different Kind of Demonstration at Gay Pride.")

In this book, Marin helps Christians understand common aspects of the GLBT worldview (as much as this can be generalized), including questions and barriers that prevent GLBT individuals from wanting to connect with Christians, churches or God. He explains common things that Christians say that are particularly upsetting or hurtful to those who are GLBT, ways to avoid arguments (and instead elevate the conversation) and how to build bridges through relationships and unconditional, active love that accepts that people are all on their own complex journeys.

Marin writes about an experience he had during a worship service, accompanied by some gay Christian friends:

I realized...this time of worship...was only supposed to be about him [Jesus]. It was not about acceptance, validation or condemnation of gays and lesbians. It was not about the gay Christian movement, a pro-gay theology or traditional biblical interpretations of Scripture. It was not about differences or similarities or anything that my mind could futilely try to comprehend that morning. It was about Jesus. It's always been about Jesus and I lost sight of that.

For the very first time I substantially knew in the depths of my soul that I didn't have to worry about all of those other things because they were not mine to worry about. I was making it my deal, making it my baggage and making it my worry, and I didn't have to do any of that. When did I become God? When did I have to figure it all out? When did I have to come up with a position point on every single topic ever thought of in the history of mankind? I didn't; and I don't. I am allowed the ability to just trust in the faithfulness of my loving Father to fill in the gaps that I can never understand. (79).

Marin calls for Christians to begin to heal the damage done to the GLBT community by the Church through active love. He writes,

What do these tangible, measurable and unconditional behaviors look like? They are a nonjudgmental safe place-- an environment that fosters a trustworthy relationship with someone else. Love is a walk, a hug, a dinner, an ear, a fun trip-- all free of the condemning and ostracizing that the GLBT person "knows" is coming from Christians. This type of love says that no matter who you are, no matter what you do or no matter what you say I have your back, and I refuse to give up-- whether or not there's "change"-- because my Father will never give up on me. (108-109).

In my opinion, one of the most powerful sections of the book is the Appendix, which consists of three personal essays from three individuals who have found different ways to reconcile their Christian faith with their sexuality. For one lesbian woman, this has meant embracing her sexuality and living as an openly gay Christian. Another man, who previously attracted to men, writes that God has changed his sexual orientation. A third gay Christian believes that God requires him to be celibate. None of these viewpoints are presented by Marin as the "right" perspective. Each is included as a personal testimony of how this particular person is currently integrating his or her understanding of his or her faith and sexual identity.

I think this book is desperately needed, and I would highly recommend it to all evangelical Christians. Unfortunately, a look at Amazon.com shows that it is currently #45,159 in Books.
(To provide a frame of reference, the most recent Joyce Meyer's book is #911 in Books.) This means, it's probably not getting into the hands of those who need it the most. Perhaps the title scares the more conservative? Really, they have nothing to fear. Just as Marin isn't judging the GLBT community, he is not judging conservative Christians. However, he does ask them to re-think their attitudes and behaviors and see if they are in line with what Jesus called the second commandment-- to love our neighbors as ourselves.

In the Forward, Brian McLaren writes, "Whatever your opinion on same-sex orientation, you have to admit that Jesus didn't say, 'They'll know you are my disciples by your firm stance on divisive social issues.' No, he said we'll be know as his disciples for another reason...and that's what Andrew is pursuing in these pages" (13).

For more information about Marin's work, see his foundation's website: http://www.themarinfoundation.org/.

Quotes round-up

“The best way out is always through. ” -Robert Frost

"The trouble with steeling yourself against the harshness of reality is that the same steel that secures your life against being destroyed secures your life also against being opened up and transformed by the holy power that life itself comes from.' -Frederick Buechner

"You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.' You must do the thing you think you cannot do." -Eleanor Roosevelt

" It is important to tell at least from time to time the secret of who we truly and fully are...because otherwise we run the risk of losing track of who we truly and fully are and little by little come to accept instead the highly edited version which we put forth in hope that the world will find it more acceptable than the real thing." -Frederick Buechner

"The smallest act of kindness is worth more than the grandest intention." -Oscar Wilde

"For Christ plays in ten thousand places,/ Lovely in limbs, and lovely in eyes not his/ To the Father through the features of men's faces." — Gerard Manley

"I know the bottom, she says. I know it with my great tap root: / It is what you fear. / I do not fear it: I have been there."

“In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.” Martin Luther King, Jr.

“I believe instead that we all of us have not just the right to be happy no matter what but also a kind of sacred commission to be happy—in the sense of being free to breathe and move, in the sense of being able to bless our own lives, even the sad times of our own lives, because through all our times we can learn and grow, and through all our times, if we keep our ears open, God speaks to us his saving word.” -Frederick Buechner

"The truth will set you free, but first it will make you miserable." -James A. Garfield

" It is impossible for anybody to leave behind the darkness of the world he carries on his back like a snail, but for God all things are possible." -Frederick Buechner

"If you want a happy ending, that depends, of course, on where you stop your story." -Orson Welles

"Open your eyes, and the drops come in a snail race down to your neck, & look up, but you were smiling somehow.... Everybody knows you'd break your neck to keep your chin up." -Copeland

"The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances:
if there is any reaction, both are transformed." ~Carl Jung

"You have not come by the most direct way --- but rest assured the Lord has led you by the best way." -C.S. Lewis

"Reality is for those who lack imagination." -Anon.

“The world breaks everyone and afterward many are stronger at the broken places.” -Ernest Hemingway

"Presume not that I am the thing I was." -Shakespeare

"On and on you will hike, and I know you'll hike far, and face up to your problems, whatever they are." -Dr. Seuss

"Perfectionism is the voice of the oppressor, the enemy of the people. It will keep you cramped and insane your whole life...." -Anne Lamott

"I am a congenital believer, a helpless hungerer after the marvelous as solace and adventure and escape" (Frederick Buechner).

"Present fears/ Are less than horrible imaginings." -Shakespeare

"See that thou lovest what is lovely." -William Penn

""Hearts are not had as a gift but hearts are earned/ By those who are not entirely beautiful." -W.B. Yeats

"It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live." J.K. Rowling

"Last night as I was sleeping,/ I dreamt—marvelous error!— /that I had a beehive
here inside my heart./ And the golden bees/ were making white combs/ and sweet honey/ from my old failures." -Antonio Machado

"Courage does not always roar. Sometimes, it is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, 'I will try again tomorrow.'" -Maryanne Radanbacher

Mini reviews (just to catch up)

Nonfiction

*A Stolen Life (Jaycee Dugard)-- B-

Jaycee is undeniably an amazing and resilient person. Her story of survival is inspiring. The book would have benefited from a more active editor (and greater organization), but it's still worth reading, for those who are not deterred by the fairly graphic accounts of abuse.

*Finding Angela Shelton (Angela Shelton)-- B

In this true story, filmmaker Angela Shelton takes off on a road trip across the US to meet other Angela Sheltons. Along the way, she discovers the extent of abuse and domestic violence facing women, and also gains inspiration to continue her own healing journey. This is not an easy book to read, but I'd still recommend it. I will probably do a full blog post just about this book.

*In Cold Blood (Truman Capote)-- B

I read this since it is included on some "classics" lists as the first of the modern "true crime" genre. It's interesting, but ultimately, very sad as the loss of life seems so pointless.

*Poser: My Life in Twenty-three Yoga Poses (Claire Dederer)-- A

This is the most enjoyable memoir I've read in a couple of years! Humorous, well-written and reflective, I highly recommend this book to perfectionists, yoga enthusiasts, parents of small children, writers, residents of the Pacific Northwest (or any hipster-infused city) and anyone whose life isn't turning out exactly as planned. The Cliffs notes version of the book? Here it is, on p. 307: "Get over yourself! You're gonna f--- up! And it'll be OK." But really? Read the book.

*The Enough Moment: Fighting to End Africa's Worst Human Rights Crimes (John Prendergast, Don Cheadle)-- A

Highly recommended!

*Churched: One Kid's Journey Towards God Despite a Holy Mess (Matthew Paul Turner)-- C

The title is a good summary.

*Every Patient Tells a Story: Medical Mysteries and the Art of Diagnosis (Lisa Sanders)-- B

The author is a doctor and a technical adviser to the show House, M.D.


Fiction

*The Lover's Dictionary (David Levithan)-- B

I love the creativity of this quirky, nonlinear novel (really, a novella) told entirely through the definition of words. It's a charming read that can easily be finished in a couple of hours.

*Out of the Silent Planet (C.S. Lewis)-- B

I love C.S. Lewis. I recently had an epiphany-- this guy wrote a whole lot of books, and I haven't read all of them yet! I set about to rectify this situation and decided to start with the Space Trilogy. Being more of a fantasy fan (as opposed to sci-fi fan), I did not like Out of the Silent Planet as much as any of the Chronicles of Narnia. Still, it was creative, interesting, and of course, thought-provoking. Next up-- Perelandra.

*Saving CeeCee Honeycutt (Beth Hoffman)-- C+

This was a pleasant book-- nothing especially profound, but after some of my recent reading, I just wanted a book with a happy ending. I got it.

*The Help (Kathryn Stockett)-- A

Loved it! I view it as a story about a group of women who found their voice.

*Second Glance (Jodi Picoult)-- D-

The author seemed to want to write at least three stories here and would have been better off sticking with one. This book is a chaotic mess, which is unfortunate, because at least one of the stories does seem to be worth reading. Not recommended.

*The Forgotten Garden (Kate Morton)-- B+

Absorbing, suspenseful....and sometimes a little confusing with multiple time periods and shifting points of view. Still, I found it to be a satisfying read. Recommended.

*Water for Elephants (Sara Gruen)-- B+

The beginning and the ending require significant "willful suspension of disbelief," but the middle is an enjoyable story that really does transport the reader to a different time period. Recommended. (I still don't like circuses.) I watched about twenty minutes of the movie and couldn't tolerate any more.

*Those Who Save Us (Jenna Blum)-- A+

*Jane Eyre (Charlotte Bronte)-- A

I loved the moody atmosphere of this Gothic romance. It's a great story for slipping into a different time period.

*Life Sentences (Laura Lippman)-- C-

This is a passable beach read but nothing more.

*Sarah's Key (Tatiana de Rosnay)-- B

This book tells two intertwining stories-- the story of Sarah, a 10-year-old Parisian girl who is arrested with her family in the Vel' d'Hiv' roundup, and the story of Julia, a contemporary American journalist living in Paris who begins to research these arrests. My aunt passed this on to me after she read it with her book group, and I'm glad she did!

*Dracula (Bram Stoker)-- B

There's a reason this is a classic. Told entirely through correspondence and journal entries, Stoker creates slow-building tension and suspense. Lots of fun! (No sparkling vampires in this book!

*The Pact (Jodi Picoult)-- C+

In some ways, I think this is one of Picoult's better books, but there are aspects of the story that make it impossible for me to give it a higher rating.

*I'd Know You Anywhere (Laura Lippman)-- C

This is a psychological suspense novel, and as a "C" rating denotes, it's thoroughly average.

*House Rules (Jodi Picoult)-- C-

Is there anyone who did not see that ending coming from miles away?

*Year of Wonders (Geraldine Brooks)-- B+

In the 1600s, a small English town is struck by the bubonic plague and quarantines itself to avoid spreading the disease. The novel shows how different characters react to the tragedy, hardship and fear.

*What the Dead Know (Laura Lippman)-- C-

Again, average.

*Salem Falls (Jodi Picoult)-- C

Average.

*To the Power of Three (Laura Lippman)-- C+

Average in most regards but the ending was a surprise.

*Sisterchicks on the Loose (Robin Jones Gunn)-- C-

Average Christian fiction.

Those Who Save Us

My New Year's resolution for 2012 is to write more. Because that's so vague, I'm making it my goal to update this blog at least once a week. So here we are, six days into the new year, and here I am, updating my blog. Now I just have to keep this up for an additional fifty-one weeks!

One of the most intriguing books I read this past year is Those Who Save Us by Jenna Blum. This story centers on a mother (Anna) and daughter (Trudy) who immigrated to the US from Germany at the end of WWII, when Anna married an American soldier. Trudy was only a preschooler at the time and her memories of life in Germany are hazy. Anna refuses to speak of the past and will not answer Trudy's questions about the identity of her father.

These mysteries unfold both through adult Trudy's research as into Germans' experiences of WWII through her position as history professor and also by means of flashbacks from Anna's perspective. Author Jenna Blum's previous work as an historian for Spielberg's Shoah Foundation serves her well, as she weaves a complicated psychological novel that is searing and thought-provoking. Blum shows us that it's easy to judge the past, but often, for those living it, there were no easy answers.

During the war, Anna is merely a teenager with a baby. She lives with a baker and helps smuggle bread to prisoners in the Buchenwald concentration camp, which adjoins her village. When the baker is caught and executed, Anna knows that she will be targetted next. In order to survive and keep her baby fed, she allows a Nazi officer to use her sexually, and he returns to her, again and again, for over a year. Although the sex is sometimes violent and not truly consensual, the officer also brings her and Trudy clothing, food and gifts. Others in the village fear or despise Anna for being the "Nazi's whore."

When the village is liberated, an American soldier falls in love with Anna, and she marries him and immigrates to the US with Trudy. Despite her husband's kindness, Anna finds it impossible to extricate herself from her memories of the past: "She can never tell him what she started to say: that we come to love those who save us. For although Anna does believe this is true, the word that stuck in her throat was not save but shame" (445).

Highly recommended.