But he owns his own trailer park!

I made my weekly call to my grandma today, and her sister insisted on speaking with me to tell me about the wonderful guy she has picked out for me. She wanted me to tell her my e-mail address so she could give it to him.

Aunt Gertrude: “They are like family. Our kids didn’t even though they weren’t blood relations.”

(And you want to set me up with this guy? That sounds a tad bit incestuous. Who’s next? The really cute, super nice guy who just happens to be my second cousin? Yikes.)

Aunt Gertrude: “Super Christian even owns his own trailer park.”

(Gosh, that sounds appealing, but…I’m going to have to pass.)

Aunt Gertrude: “He’s married to his Bible.”

(And I hope he and his Bible have a long and happy life together!)

Aunt Gertrude: “Super Christian’s a virgin.”

(Not all that shocking, but why does my great aunt even know this? If he’s discussing his sexual life—or lack thereof—with a woman pushing 90, I’m starting to get genuinely concerned.)

Aunt Gertrude: “I don’t know why he can’t get a girlfriend.”

(Quite an enigma, that is.)

Of course, I’m way too sweet to actually say any of those things to my great aunt (who really is a great lady). I just explained that, as appealing as this guy sounds, I really have so many friends with whom I correspond by e-mail, that I couldn’t possibly add another pen pal. She acquiesced a bit too easily, though, so I expect I haven’t heard the last of Super Christian.