Review of Love Is an Orientation

The premise of Love Is an Orientation: Elevating the Conversation with the Gay Community (by Andrew Marin) is quite simple; as Christians, we are called to love-- not evaluate or judge-- our neighbors. It is precisely this simplicity that makes Love Is an Orientation such a powerful book for its intended audience-- primarily straight, conservative, evangelical Christians.

Marin fit into the intended audience well and gave little thought to the struggles of those in the GLBT community who were also interested in Christianity....until three of his closest friends came out to him in one year. In response, Marin sought to learn more about the gay community, and he did this by immersion-- spending time in primarily gay bars, just talking to people. Unsurprisingly, he discovered that many had been deeply hurt by the Christianity community. Perhaps more surprising to some, he discovered that many also long for a way to connect with God. What began as a way to understand his friends blossomed into a calling. Marin (now married) chose to move to a predominantly gay section of Chicago, develop relationships and seek to build a bridge between the GLBT community and the Christian Church.

Marin and his foundation have gone to Gay Pride parades wearing shirts that say, "I'm sorry," and holding signs that apologize for the way that the GLBT community has been treated by the Church and by Christians. (Read one account here: "I Hugged A Man in His Underwear, and I Am Proud," and more about it here: "A Different Kind of Demonstration at Gay Pride.")

In this book, Marin helps Christians understand common aspects of the GLBT worldview (as much as this can be generalized), including questions and barriers that prevent GLBT individuals from wanting to connect with Christians, churches or God. He explains common things that Christians say that are particularly upsetting or hurtful to those who are GLBT, ways to avoid arguments (and instead elevate the conversation) and how to build bridges through relationships and unconditional, active love that accepts that people are all on their own complex journeys.

Marin writes about an experience he had during a worship service, accompanied by some gay Christian friends:

I realized...this time of worship...was only supposed to be about him [Jesus]. It was not about acceptance, validation or condemnation of gays and lesbians. It was not about the gay Christian movement, a pro-gay theology or traditional biblical interpretations of Scripture. It was not about differences or similarities or anything that my mind could futilely try to comprehend that morning. It was about Jesus. It's always been about Jesus and I lost sight of that.

For the very first time I substantially knew in the depths of my soul that I didn't have to worry about all of those other things because they were not mine to worry about. I was making it my deal, making it my baggage and making it my worry, and I didn't have to do any of that. When did I become God? When did I have to figure it all out? When did I have to come up with a position point on every single topic ever thought of in the history of mankind? I didn't; and I don't. I am allowed the ability to just trust in the faithfulness of my loving Father to fill in the gaps that I can never understand. (79).

Marin calls for Christians to begin to heal the damage done to the GLBT community by the Church through active love. He writes,

What do these tangible, measurable and unconditional behaviors look like? They are a nonjudgmental safe place-- an environment that fosters a trustworthy relationship with someone else. Love is a walk, a hug, a dinner, an ear, a fun trip-- all free of the condemning and ostracizing that the GLBT person "knows" is coming from Christians. This type of love says that no matter who you are, no matter what you do or no matter what you say I have your back, and I refuse to give up-- whether or not there's "change"-- because my Father will never give up on me. (108-109).

In my opinion, one of the most powerful sections of the book is the Appendix, which consists of three personal essays from three individuals who have found different ways to reconcile their Christian faith with their sexuality. For one lesbian woman, this has meant embracing her sexuality and living as an openly gay Christian. Another man, who previously attracted to men, writes that God has changed his sexual orientation. A third gay Christian believes that God requires him to be celibate. None of these viewpoints are presented by Marin as the "right" perspective. Each is included as a personal testimony of how this particular person is currently integrating his or her understanding of his or her faith and sexual identity.

I think this book is desperately needed, and I would highly recommend it to all evangelical Christians. Unfortunately, a look at Amazon.com shows that it is currently #45,159 in Books.
(To provide a frame of reference, the most recent Joyce Meyer's book is #911 in Books.) This means, it's probably not getting into the hands of those who need it the most. Perhaps the title scares the more conservative? Really, they have nothing to fear. Just as Marin isn't judging the GLBT community, he is not judging conservative Christians. However, he does ask them to re-think their attitudes and behaviors and see if they are in line with what Jesus called the second commandment-- to love our neighbors as ourselves.

In the Forward, Brian McLaren writes, "Whatever your opinion on same-sex orientation, you have to admit that Jesus didn't say, 'They'll know you are my disciples by your firm stance on divisive social issues.' No, he said we'll be know as his disciples for another reason...and that's what Andrew is pursuing in these pages" (13).

For more information about Marin's work, see his foundation's website: http://www.themarinfoundation.org/.